From our former US President, George W. Bush:
"I've gone to war. I've raised twins. If I had to choose, I'd go to war."
I'm in a funk right now so please excuse my glum but this is the latest report from today.
I had a horrible night last night. I had heart burn, couldn't get comfortable, had to pee every 5.6 seconds, etc etc etc. Just as I was calming down somewhere after 1, the thunder started which woke Dace up and he started crying. I fetched him quickly and whisked him into bed with me. I didn't want Zade waking up from the crying. He fell sound asleep within minutes then the storm really kicked in. Constant lightning and thunder that was so loud it was shaking the house and made me jump. At one point, it even startled the twins and both woke up and kicked around for a couple minutes. All three boys in the house were fast asleep as I paced to calm the twins and hopefully wind myself down. Somewhere after 3, the storm stopped and I finally fell asleep.
I waited all morning for Jill, my midwife, to call me with the report from yesterday's meeting with the docs. She had great news- McCleoud was more than happy to take me on, he wonders why everyone is afraid of breech babies because he isn't AND as long as everything went fine in my pregnancy, the delivery would not take place in the OR with a double set up. That news almost made me cry. I was so excited and relieved and felt like this was the way it was supposed to be. Jill would attend as my doula and friend and that was totally fine with him but she would not play an active role in the delivery. I was totally fine with all of it and exhaled, feeling like I finally had a birth plan in order and a goal in site.
Wrong
Wrong, wrong.
His clinic called me to set up an appt but they do not accept South Carolina medicaid. All air sucked out of my sails.
If we were to still work with him, the entire prenatal and delivery would be $2K cash, labs and ultrasounds extra.
Well how on earth could we ever manage that given the rest of our situation at the moment and the fact that we need to upgrade our vehicle to a 7 seat SUV or minivan within the next 3 months as well?!?!?!?!?
Oh and I forgot to mention we had to make a mad dash out of the house this morning for the first viewing. It's been listed a day and it's already showing. great. Plus the price on it is ridiculously cheap. That realtor better be right in the fact that we'll have at least 6 months here.....
So needless to say after my call with the clinic, I was close to the edge. Seriously?! Really?! how much is one girl supposed to be able to take?! Can I get thrown a break here, anywhere, somewhere?!
I have calmed down a bit since then, it's been 5 hours. But I am still bummed out and totally out of ideas. I have NO CLUE as to what I am supposed to do with this birth and I hate that feeling. Jill really doesn;t want me to stay on the island because they have an 80% Csection rate and that is the one thing we want to avoid if at all possible. I hope to meet with the 2 suggestions that our peds gave us last night but what if their clinics don't take medicaid either?
I feel trapped and I don't like it. I feel like I have all of this on my shoulders all on my own and I am supposed to figure it all out and do it all myself and survive and stay sane and stay healthy and unstressed while carrying twins. ha!
Yes I sound pessimistic but I really haven't given up faith or hope. I know it will all work out the way it is supposed to. I just can't see any of it right now. I am overwhelmed, overtired and after 3 very long and trying weeks, I've hit my wall. I am only human.
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Got the other hospital bill today and I was off by only a couple thousand.
The grand total of Dallin's hospital stay of 7 days and a 12 hour surgery is $192, 113.42.
Crazy, huh?!?!
I had predicted $190K.
I forgot to mention that the $25k bill from HHH was adjusted down to only $12K because we are self pays but that gives us a bill total of $217,000.
Dallin's finishing the taxes now then we can complete our medicaid application.
It's crazy that they can charge that much. Does it really, really cost that much? His room and board fee for the week was over $7,0000. Um, really? We could have stayed at a 5 star with silk sheets and dined on Kobe beef and lobster for the week and came up with a smaller bill, I am sure. But whatever.
I think that all his follow up visits are included in that bill. Something else might trickle in but I doubt it.
We had a midwife appt today and got to see the twins. They are still just happy as ever and growing perfectly. Baby girl is already head down while baby boy just keeps doing summersaults.
Our midwives, Rita, Jill (who caught Dace and Zade) and Nancy are meeting with the Candler doctors tonight. They will be discussing our case and seeing what options we have and what they are willing to do as far as co-managing our pregnancy and delivery.
I'm not going to lie- this whole idea of a hospital birth scares me. I think most people fear the natural births that we have had in the past but not me. I feel like I am going to lose a lot of control in the hospital and everything will be stressful and dramatic and tense. I had a ton of questions for Rita that she wrote down and will ask the doctors then get back to me.
Even if I go full term (which I will) and the babies are both head down (which they will be) the delivery will still be a double setup in the OR, meaning I will be allowed to birth naturally but everyone will be gloved and masked up and ready to cut if anything goes wrong. Ugh. I'm already missing my tranquil, spa-like birthing suite and waterbirth but I know that the safety of the twins comes first. I think it will be a quick delivery, probably less than 6 hours and then we'll be back in a normal room. We will have to stay 2 days in the hospital even if both babies are completely healthy, no problems and born at good weights (which they will be) and that might be the hardest part of all. I love being able to go home to my own bed the same day of having a baby at the midwife group.
IF the docs are willing to co-manage with my midwives then we will work with Dr. McCleoud and use the Candler hosptial. If they aren't, then we are going to stay here on the island. The hospital is only a couple blocks away and then our bishop can be our ped for the delivery. If I can't have my midwife there, there is no point in going into Savannah.
So by the end of next week, we should have a game plan and a doctor all worked out. I am trying to focus my thoughts and energy on the things that I can control- eating right, sleeping and resting properly, drinking TONS of water. and by tons, I mean 8 16oz glasses a day! crazy, huh?! but apparently, that's what it takes and what is ideal. I am going to make a list of things I can and cannot do and try my best at adapting to that. Some of those don'ts are just not feasible at the moment given our circumstances but I will do the best I can until Dallin is fully recovered.
This is the most stressful part for me- the unknowing. Once I know who we will be working with and where and what will and will not happen , can or cannot happen, I'll be able to refocus and accept the possible outcomes. It's just hard adapting to the complete opposite of what my first 2 childbirthing experiences will like, embracing the unknown. In my heart of hearts, I know everything will be fine, go smoothly and we'll have another wonderful birthing story. And I'm predicting a halloween delivery.
Dallin got his staples out today, 32 in total. He also got a chest xray done then was completely signed off by his trauma team. So now it's all up to Neuro. We meet with Dr. Suh next Wednesday for his first follow up.
We got the hospital bill for those first 23 hours spent at HHH for a whopping total of $25, 100.93! The most expensive part of the bill was all the imaging- MRI, Cat, Xrays- $17K worth. Quite the expensive stay- over a grand an hour. Nobody panic though. Our app for medicaid is almost complete and we are almost 99% positive we will be approved and then that bill will be covered, 100%.
It was a heat wave in Savannah today. I think it was over 100. You know the best way to cool off when you're almost 6 months pregnant in a sweltering city in the South? A massive, double scoop ice cream cone of butter pecan. Oh I was in heaven! I don't know what it is but I could eat ice cream any time day or night with this pregnancy. Dallin thinks its maybe because I'm having a girl. Who knows. But ice cream is beyond delicious and satisfying to me these days. Yummo!
In other news, Zade was up for his second bottle before I got to bed last night then slept straight through til 6am. Hallelujah! We are on the up and up all over the place around here.
1- Thank you to anonymous who sent us an amazing deluxe twin stroller yesterday via Amazon. This thing is a cadillac! We are so excited to use it. Thank you so much!
2- Thank you to anonymous who sent us the car seat bottle holders we had registered for on amazon. Another perfect gift that will definitely come in handy.
We would love to know who you are so we can thank you more personally, but if you wish it to remain secret, we respect that.
Thanks again so much!!!!!
Everyone was shocked and amazed to see Dallin at church on Sunday. He went early for meetings and when I got there with the boys and sat down, even I got choked up at how incredible he looked up there. He is looking so good! I had several people comment to me that day that they had witnessed a miracle by seeing him sitting on the stand barely 2 weeks after breaking his back. Others commented that, "Wow! He really is Wolverine!"
It's amazing to see both sides of this trial. I have lived and still live with the struggle that it is for our family but I am also blessed enough to see how it is blessing us and those around us. So many people have willingly served and there is no one who has been here the last 2 weeks that can't say- I have witnessed a miracle. Because we all have. It still leaves me speechless that he fell 20 feet and out of the 206 bones in his body, he only compressed one. ONE!!!!! The surgeons also explained to us that because of Dallin's height and long torso his spinal cord ends sooner than most people's, thereby giving him some breathing room for when the L1 pushed into the cord. Translation- any other man of average height or less would have been paralyzed, it is almost for certain. The Lord may not have saved him from that fall but angels certainly were guiding him down to the easiest outcome possible. I am speechless still. This has been an incredible testimony builder for all of us. It is wonderful to see how an amazing ward family has grown even closer through all of this.
Dallin had his first physio appt today and his therapist called him an animal. He said that most people aren't even out of bed yet, 2 weeks after a break like this. I think Dallin spent 1 full day in bed after the surgery and has been up little by little ever since. Jason, his therapist, said that he is well advanced already in his recovery. Dallin's miraculous recovery continues to blow the minds of all the medical practioners that see him. He likes that. ;)
And tomorrow the staples come out. I share the following photo with permission. Dallin wanted me to take it specifically for the blog. It's going to be one beauty of a scar but chicks dig scars, right? I dig it and I'm the only chick that matters, so there. The two wounds above are from his chest tubes.
Yup, brace yourself. Something else is happening for this family.
I think the saying is that bad news comes in threes but finding out we're having twins wasn't bad. So we'll just say big news is in threes. And let's hope it stops at threes. Are you ready?
Our landlord is selling our house.
He's been painted into a financial corner that he cannot get out of and has no choice but to short sell his properties.
PRO- the market continues to be horrible in this area. He doesn't think it will sell within 6-9 months and realistically we could be here well over a year BUT you never know.
PRO- he's cutting our rent in half just to cover the property fees and that is it. Big blessing there.
Option- the buyer could buy it as an investment property and we could stay on as their renters BUT they would probably want a lot more in rent than what we were originally paying.
CON- I love this house. I love our neighbors. I love our yard. I love the floorplan and all the space. I would have stayed here for several years. I don't want to move. Here is hoping it doesn't happen super quick and here's hoping it doesn't happen within weeks of having these babies or while they are newborns.
Let's all pray for mercy on this one! We need to stay settled for a while, preferably. But if we can survive these last few weeks, we can certainly survive whatever is the outcome of this situation. Even if it is disappointing and possibly the worst possible timing imaginable. This is the first time I have wished I was a homeowner. Up til now, I never minded being a renter. But this situation stinks. I don't want to be uprooted against my will. I want to settle in, paint and decorate and make a home for us that is ours. I want to know where I will be bringing my babies home. I want to decorate the last nursery I will ever decorate. Now, what's the point? Is it worth it? Will we be here 18 months or will we be gone by the end of summer. Who has a crystal ball? I'd really like an answer on this one.
Anyone want to buy an investment property, complete with good, reliable renters?????
I won't write a report on a daily basis anymore but I will still keep updates on how progress is going.
Yesterday, day 1, was a bit tough. I was only doing the minimum with the boys and around the house, Dallin being my main focus, but by 6pm I was completely exhausted and all day I had been wondering, how am I going to do this? I knew that the first few days were going to be tough and a bit of an adjustment so I hadn't given up yet. I was just trying to figure out how to do everything I needed to do yet keep from getting so exhausted that I ended up on bed rest and then this family would be completely hooped.
Dallin got up around 10 and came downstairs. He had some breakfast and a couple family friends came over. He received another great blessing then got his hair cut and a nice hair wash. It must have felt like heaven after sponge baths for a week. But the morning events tuckered him out and he spent the rest of the day in bed, in and out of sleep.
He needed to get up out of bed at 10pm to try and relieve some pressure he was feeling in his lungs. His hip was numb when he stood and then after sitting for a while his legs went numb too. Once he stood up for a few seconds they were fine and we figured that it was just the way the brace pushed on his legs in that position. Well, I dropped into bed around 11 but then started thinking that maybe something had shifted in his back and the numbness was a nerve thing. After tossing and turning forever, I finally got up to check on him. He said he was fine, no numbness and I checked his leg strength like the nurses did and he was fine. 1am and I was heading to bed. I prayed that Zade would sleep at least til 6am to give me a decent stretch of sleep. 642am he started fussing. I got up and got him a warm bottle and that knocked him out til 830, Dace getting me up just before 8. Thank you answer to prayer!
Today Dallin got up and came down stairs and sat at his computer and ate at the table and was upright for around 3 hours which is great. While he was up, Zade took a nap and I laid down on the couch due to a serious wave of nausea. Pregnancy related or just tired, I had no idea. Again I found myself praying for help. I needed someone to come be with the boys for a while today so that I could at least shower and get my kitchen clean. (It was a total disaster after cooking and baking certain things for Dallin's diet for the last 2 days). After lunch, when things were starting to get really frazzled with the boys and I was trying to deal with Dallin's infected IV site, Marilyn came to the door with a watermelon and to do my dishes. About a half hour after that, Monica and her daughter Emery showed up. Emery played with the boys for the rest of the afternoon and Monica, who is an RN, checked Dallin's wounds and answered a ton of our questions. Again, thank you answer to prayer! I got a shower in, Zade went down for another nap and I even got a few minutes of down time to relax now that my kitchen was spotless and every dish cleaned and put away. I felt totally renewed in energy and resolve that yes, I can do this! As long as I get a lot of help along the way!
So yes Dallin has an infection at his IV site. I've been doing hot compresses all day and we'll get him a prescription tomorrow but please pray that it will clear up really quick and that all his bodily systems will be strengthened and return to normal.
He really is doing so great. He might not see it and I can sense his impatience at times but he doesn't improve unless it is by leaps and bounds. I think a week from now we'll look back in shock at just how far he's come in 7 days. Please keep the emails and cards and encouragement coming. They are greatly appreciated and much needed.
Dallin is home. It came as a surprise to us this afternoon, thinking it wouldn't happen til tomorrow. But Dr. Thompson signed him off then the surgical team did and it was homefree! Just in time too because he was starting to get a little stir crazy.
He is upstairs settled in for the night in the guest room. Our mattress is too soft and after several attempts at pillow positions, I went into the guest room and built up a bit of an angle under the mattress and that did the trick. With a pillow under his knees he is in a more comfortable position that is more like a hospital bed instead of completely flat.
The boys don't know they are home. I got them here after Dallin was settled in, thanks to the wonderful help of the Ryan family and put them straight to bed. They spent the afternoon at Em's house and were wore right out from having so much fun. Thanks guys! I must admit I am a little anxious for the reintroduction tomorrow. Dace will be fine, I am sure, but Zade will not like having a hands-off Daddy and I am bracing for a tough adapting phase. Let's pray for the boys to adapt to this new situation quickly as well as Dallin being able to adapt to the new physical activity of getting back to normal life- sitting, walking, stairs etc. These next couple days will the toughest for both situations.
We love you all and are so grateful for you. Please keep praying for us!
Today was just an okay day. It looks like Dalln will be in the hospital until Monday and he's a bit bummed. He is ready to come home and probably would be released if his doctors were on duty but the hospital does a complete 180 with the weekend shift. It seems to just coast into auto pilot and stay there. No one knows anything and everything slows to a bare minimum. He didn't get an xray today, nor did an attending come by, no physio. kind of weird. I don't know if its like that every weekend or because they are under staffed because of the long weekend. There is still a slim chance he could be released tomorrow but he's not betting on it.
I spent the morning at home with the boys and a to do list a million miles long. After dropping them off, I got into Dallin's room just before 2. He was still in bed because no one had been in to help him into his brace. We did a spnge bath and got him braced up and sitting in his chair which felt so much better. And he got company! Our dear friends Carrie and Herman whom we hadn't seen in months stopped in. Dallin was so excited to see them. We had a great visit then went for a lap around the floor. Once he was settled back into his chair, I went and grabbed a sandwich then came and put him back into bed. We both snoozed a little off and on until dinner came at 615. Once he was set up with that, I took off for home.
They pulled the last drain out this morning. The one that was right at the repair site. He is on minimum dose of the pain pump and only took one extra dose today which is really, really good. He is tired of being in this fog that percocet gives you because he almost constantly feels like he could go to sleep and sleep for 12 hours. The nurse said that once he is home for a couple days and his body has warmed up to the idea of moving around more regularly and up and down stairs and in and out of bed, he can start to adjust the dose as necessary and to slowly wean off it. But for now he might as well be comfortable and sleep whenever he feels like it. He has the right to refuse his meds if he feels like he doesn't need it but he is more concerned with getting off the pain pump and adapting to only having the percocet in his system so that he can go home.
We continue to ask for your prayers and we know that you continue to offer them. Thank you. I would also encourage anyone who feels moved to do so to please send dallin an email or facebook message or something to let him know you are thinking of him and just to keep his spirits up-especially family members. He needs to hear that support and concern, even if it seems like it won't make much of a difference. I promise you, it does. phone calls and texts are welcome too now that he has his phone back and able to use it. If he sleeping or doesn't feel up to a conversation, he'll get back to you when he does.
We love you all. good night.
Well Happy Friday to everyone! It was a big day here in the memorial hospital, Dallin Dean suite.
A lot of people have been asking how me and the boys are doing so I will give a quick update on us before getting back to the main star. Dace is doing great. He understands why daddy is away and is loving all his play dates every day with his buddies. Zade has been teething and we have had 2 rough nights back to back. He was up 4 times last night and his poor gums feel like little marbles. I think every molar is trying to break through simultaneously. 4 have already come through. When he woke up at 550am for the fourth time, I don't think I could feel my legs as i stumbled downstairs to get a bit of milk for him. He crashed a few minutes later in my bed and just as i was falling asleep, Dace started crying. I told Heavenly Father that I can handle everything that is on my plate right now but I can't do it if I can't get any sleep. Dace came to bed and Zade woke up and the day started but Zade went back to bed at 730 and I got a nice nap in on the couch til 915 while Dace watched Mighty Machines and played trains. A very needed answer to prayer.
So once we were all up and dressed and out the door, I dropped the boys off and got to the hospital around 1145. Dallin was up in his chair reading on the computer. We had a whole team of doctors and nurses come in, it totally felt like a scene from Greys Anatomy- 2 attendings and about 4 interns. And one even looked like George, I'm not even kidding! (if you don't watch the show, that comment makes no sense and I apologize.) The docs checked the chest tube and said it was possible it could come out today, made some more jokes about making Dallin a sister wife from his lost rib then moved on. Shortly after, a nurse came back and said the tube was coming out. Yay! I helped Dallin back into bed (which he can manoever quite well on his own) and got his brace off. Dr. Suh ( I love that man!) came back in for a quick check up and took me away to see Dallins scans. I'm going to do up a couple sketches and post here tomorrow so that this all makes more sense to you. but it is amazing what can be done these days to rebuild a human being! When I got back to the room, the chest tube was out. The nurse was just bandaging up his incision so I got to see it and she said it is looking amazing. Dallin loves hearing that word, I don't blame him and he hears it several time a day. Yup, I'm married to superman....or wolverine. Dallin was ready for lunch so I got him set up then did my daily trip to the cafeteria. He was so much more comfortable and able to breathe that much better with that last tube gone. Happy boy.
After lunch, Dallin and I dozed a bit then it was time for physio. I helped him get into his brace (might as well practice) and got him seated in his chair so he was all ready and waiting when the nurses showed up. They were so impressed! then he was up on his feet and we did a lap all the way down the long hall to the elevators then back to the room. No sweat, easy peazy.
He stayed in his chair while I got the bed and we both had a little power up snooze then had some company. Mark and Mike came by with chocolate goodies for everyone. Dr./ Bishop Thompson popped in as well at one point and I felt like I should leave the room so they could have an elders quarum meeting or something. haha! Then it was time for me to switch hats, kiss my hubby goodbye and go pick up the boys and re-enter mamaville. I hit traffic leaving the hospital and it took me over 20 minutes to drive the 3 blocks to the freeway. Happy long weekend.
There is a big chance that Dallin will come home tomorrow. It depends on how his chest xray looks in the morning, if things are doing fine without the drain and weaning him off the pain pump and making sure that his Rx will be sufficient. He is ready to leave but does not want to rush it either. Because once he leaves, he doesn't want to come back. At least not until his checkup, 2 weeks from now. Fingers crossed and prayers being said that if it is right, I'll be able to bring him home tomorrow.
On a sidenote, the first of the bills arrived on Wednesday. The ambulance ride that Dallin took from HH hospital to Memorial rang in at a whopping $912. I find it funny that a 40 minute drive that I have done 10 times and counting this week cost almost double what it did for our whole family to fly round trip to Salt Lake. ha! Hilarious....gotta laugh so you don't cry, right? uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.....yeah......
And on that note, a laughing one, here is a closing story that Mark sent me to continue the missing rib jokes-
Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked Adam, "What's wrong with you?"
Adam said, "I don't have anyone to talk to."
God said, "I will give you a companion and it will be a woman." He said, "This person will cook for you and wash your clothes, she will always agree with every decision you make, she will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them.
"She will not nag," God continued, "and will always be the first to admit she was wrong. When you've had a disagreement, she will never have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever needed."
Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?"
God said, "An arm and a leg!"
Adam said, "What can I get for just a rib?"
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