Goldilocks and the 3 Brothers

Ding! Round Two

2012-01-28T11:57:00.000-05:00

Both twins are teething.
Both twins are cranky.
Both twins are trying to swallow their fists whole.
Both twins are only doing catnaps, about 20 minutes long.
Both twins are no longer sleeping through the night.
Both twins are wanting to be held almost constantly.
Both twins are eating more than usual- Mr. Chunk had 18 ounces in less than 4 hours last night.
Both twins are a drool factory- even further increasing the never ending supply of dirty laundry.
Both twins are still cute...for the most part. ;)

Wordless Wednesday

2012-01-25T12:12:00.002-05:00

Sunday

2012-01-22T23:25:00.000-05:00

Hi, Remember me? I'm the mama. I need to be in more photos with my kids. So since I was having a rockin' hair day today, I asked D to take a pic of me and little miss before church.

Someone loves his tummy time!

All ready for church!

The twins were punks today. I'm not going to lie. they catnapped all day today and better sleep for at least 12 hours tonight to redeem themselves. Dallin plopped them up here after their 20 minute long, should have been at least 2 hours afternoon nap. We were trying to tidy the house and cook supper for the missionaries while 3 of 4 kids had crying meltdowns. Ah, lovely Sabbath.

Out takes

2012-01-21T13:32:00.000-05:00

I've committed to doing a new blog banner every month this year. It's one of my goals and I like doing it. It's a creative outlet for me which is something I need to fulfill that Me time. Plus it also gives me an excuse to take at least one picture of each child every month.

I finished Feb's banner this morning after taking pics over the last few days. There is a reason why photographers say never work with babies or animals. Take 100 photos and get 1 good one. Especially if the babies know you need a good one.

Here are some funny out takes for your enjoyment:

The Slow return of Sanity

2012-01-21T13:24:00.000-05:00

Yesterday afternoon was spent mostly like this:

I love that both babies need their mouths wiped...oh well. anyway, Here's the scoop on what's going on. On Thursday, I changed Dace's pants FIVE TIMES because he was peeing in them all day long. It's silly. He has been on this weird lazy kick lately and not using the potty is just one way. So we had enough and cut him off of all tv and computer games for Friday. Of course he was ticked at first but he got over it. And you know what?

Friday was one of the best days the boys have had in a long time. There was hardly any fighting, crying or whining and they just played all day. Most of the morning was spent outside with Jenna and doing puzzles. Then in the pm they did playdough and more playing outside and reading books and having snacks. They were content and pleasant and so were the twins. I snapped these photos because I found myself looking at this table of kids and thinking, Ahhh. Okay, this is good. this is better. I can handle this. I'm raising 4 babies under 4. And at the moment I'm enjoying it. This is good! Improvement!

So we are no longer allowing tv in the morning. When the boys get up and play instead of sit down and zone out, it sets a better mood and energy for the rest of the day. Dace can now watch a show during Zade's naptime (as long as he stays dry during the day) and then maybe a little show or movie before bed, depending on the evening.

In other news, the twins are really getting their neck strength up. Here's some proof:

I only put Nev in the bumbo for a few seconds at a time, just to see where she is at for sitting on her own. She really likes sitting up like that. I think she can tell she's being a big girl when she does it. Ammon still can't handle the bumbo. His head is so heavy. I think the seat may be a weird angle for him because if he sits on my lap he can hold it up straight just fine. And on the floor too. He was having a grand ole time on the floor this morning. He stayed propped up in that position smiling and laughing and talking to someone for almost 10 minutes before he got tired. He probably has an imaginary friend. He gets that from me. I had several as a child, my family stills talks about a certain two, Sookie and Dokka. But that story is for confessions on another day....

Anyway, at this rate they are only a few weeks away from being able to sit up on their own enough to start trying solid foods. Very exciting! Yup, sanity is slowly making its return to our home and to our lives. and Exhale.

Dr Check Up

2012-01-18T12:00:00.000-05:00

The twins will be four months old in 11 days. crazy, huh? we took them in this morning for their check up. It's a bit unreal that we went from this:

To this:

They are both doing so great. The doc is totally happy with their progress. Here are their stats:

Nevea

Weight: 12lbs (25th percentile) Percentiles are for full term babies so these guys are doing great. There is nothing 'preemie' about them remaining.
Length: 23 inches (25-50th percentile)
Head: 15.5 (25th percentile)

Ammon (being a little more dramatic because he only likes to be naked if it means going in the tub...)

Weight: 15.6 lbs (75th percentile! )

Length: 23.5 inches (25th)

Head: 17

Both are strong on their tummies, really building up that neck strength and both are sleeping through the night, 10-12 hours. We separated them into their own cribs last Wednesday and I think that made the difference to get Ammon to sleep through.

Overall, an impressive report.

Saturday morning

2012-01-14T20:48:00.000-05:00

This is how Nevea wakes up every morning:

She is just the happiest little thing! She LOVES to smile and loves to coo and is already chatting up a storm. Ammon is smiling and chatting alot too. It's going to be fun when they start having conversations with each other.

There was an impromptu photo shoot this morning minutes before I got up. It went a little something like this:

Talk about little miss racicot! I look at her and see my entire family tree! Then she has 3 dean brothers. people love commenting on the different resemblences of these kids.

Z to A

2012-01-13T13:51:00.000-05:00

If you've followed this blog for a while, you know that I like to compare baby photos of my boys because they sure are made from the same cloth. Anyway, here is Zade, followed by Ammon.

Okay, after looking at these after loading them
I have realized that Zade definitely was my chunkiest baby. His picture was taken around 2 months old- look at all that face fat! and Ammon's was taken this week, about 3.5 months old. crazy!

I'm so glad that chicken has captured audiences in the blue chair for so many years. She'll be retired soon.

What I'm Up To

2012-01-09T13:19:00.000-05:00

I am drinking this:

Isn't that a gorgeous green?! And it is actually very, very tasty.

Here's the scoop- Friday I watched a documentary on Netflix called "Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead." It's about this austrailian guy who goes on a 60 day juice diet to cleanse and detox both his body and his life. It was really interesting, inspirational and informative.

The next day, I woke up with the worst skin flare up that I have had in a really long time. Dallin told me to start weaning Nev since my skin always clears up once I stop nursing. Whether it's hormonal or lack of nutrients for me since it all goes into my milk and my body suffers, we're not sure. Probably a bit of both plus stress. Anyway, so I gave her a formula bottle for lunch which she took just fine. charlotte fed her, not me. All day I kept thinking about the docu I had watched the day before. I don't believe in coincedences and I knew there was a reason I saw it the day before.

So I asked around and borrowed a juicer and started that night drinking this juice. It includes kale, celery, cucumber, green apples, lemon and ginger. It is so refreshing and you feel better instantly after drinking it. I am not doing a cleanse or a diet because I am still nursing but I need more nutrients in my life so I am drinking this juice once a day and am on a no-sugar cleanse for 10 days. It's been 3 days and I can already see and feel a difference. I am hoping that this is what my body needs so that I can keep nursing and just keep juicing at the same time. Either way, I am addicted to juicing. I've made orange juice with carrot and grapefruit juice in the mornings. So good, so simple and easy and quick and SO good for you.

Anyone having health problems or just need a motivational speech to make some changes, watch this documentary. You should be able to rent it anywhere. It's a quick and interesting show.

And the funniest part of all of this- you know my oldest son who won't eat anything? Guess who loves my grinch juice-

Yup. He tried a sip at lunch which turned into a guzzle which turned into his own cup. If a 3 year old can love this juice, you can too! Now go watch the show and happy juicing!

Outside

2012-01-08T22:30:00.000-05:00

It has been such great weather the last few days after our winter cold snap at the beginning of the week. Dace loves picking up nice leaves and Zade loves hearing the airplanes and searching to see them overhead.

A win for the girls team!

2012-01-08T22:21:00.000-05:00

Guess who was the first to sleep all through the night?

This girl!

Thursday night I called my mom venting that I was about to go insane because there was still nothing consistent about the twins bedtimes. I mean, when you are done for the day at 5pm and are on auto-pilot til everyone is in bed, when bedtime takes 3.5 hours to get everyone down, you feel like you just might snap. So after a good chat, I decided to tweak her day naps, not letting her sleep past 2 or 3 hours. And that's what i did friday. She was up all morning then had a long nap right after lunch, catnapped a couple times til beftime, was out for the night at 730 and slept til 730am. NO FEEDINGS!! Then she did the same thing last night. woop woop!!! Ammon is sleeping about 10 hours or more. Friday night he slept til 430 then last night til 630. We are completely happy with that as well. But now that I know to monitor their day naps I can get all the kids to be in bed and asleep by 8pm. Hallelujah! That down time in the evening is so important so that I can have some time to breathe, actually see my husband and unwind before I have to go to bed. Here's to it sticking......

The not so little Little Brother

2012-01-04T11:13:00.000-05:00

Remember how we named our son Ammon and not Goliath?

Well, I think he might be confused. Here is our 3month old baby boy- ALL 15 lbs OF HIM!!!

The twins go in for their check up in 2 weeks. it will be interesting to see where he is at then and where he fits on percentiles. He's definitely a happy chunk and so fun and squishy to snuggle too!

the three month hurdle

2011-12-29T22:33:00.000-05:00

WE MADE IT! WE SURVIVED!...so far. haha!

well here they are- the princess and the chunk. 3 months old today. wow.

    Ammon-  "Does this shirt make me look fat?"
    Nev- "it's not the shirt,  you are fat."
    A- "Good. that's what I was going for- Bodyguard, Fullback, sumo wrestler...something like that."
    N- "well, you nailed it. All 3."

Another photo that displays why everyone thinks we have 2 sets of twins. It really looks that way.

Today, Nev and I took a quick trip to the doctor's office because I thought she had an eye infection. Wrong. Just a clogged tear duct that we need to do some massaging on. Anyway, she weighed in at 10 lbs, 13 oz. If she's ten, Ammon has got to be 15 or more. We'll weigh him tomorrow.

Now back to the topic at hand. 3 months. They have both successfully slept through the night. They are smiling and love to coo and carry on conversation. Both have transitioned to a new and larger wardrobe.

Ammon has been switched to formula. The last few weeks we have had to supplement him a bit because with both of them eating more at each feeding, especially him, I was coming up short in the milk department. After a lot of thinking I made the executive decision to switch him to full time formula at 3 months and keep nursing Nev full time. I can certainly keep up with one plus she doesn't like formula. No matter how warm it is. Plus Ammon is a chomper! And he doesn't even have teeth yet. ugh. Yup, bottle time it is for him.

This morning at the peds office, our dr said how impressed he was that I had nursed them this long and that he was really happy with their weight. Most mothers of twins don't even try because it is so much hard work and tons of effort. I kind of blew it off, the same way I did last week when my mom said the same thing. Why is it that it is so hard for us women, especially mothers, to give ourselves credit?! So after thinking about it all day, I have decided that I am going to give myself a pat on the back for nursing them exclusively for their first 3 months. They have more than doubled their birth weight. All from breast milk. That's me eating right and very often, drinking tons of water, being diligent on my vitamins, sitting down and feeding them every few hours around the clock for 3 months straight. That's a sacrifice and I'm giving myself a gold star.

Today

2011-12-28T22:44:00.000-05:00

Today was a really, really, really, really, really long day.

Ya know how life is a test?....Ever feel like you are failing miserably? Yeah, that was today.

But at least I got this picture today.

And a Smilin' Boy Too!

2011-12-27T12:59:00.000-05:00

Finally got a good clip of Ammon...

photo of the Day

2011-12-26T22:39:00.000-05:00

Happy Boxing Day to my Cdn friends and family.

Christmas Recap 2011

2011-12-26T22:30:00.000-05:00

We had a great Christmas, just the 6 of us. My neighbor asked me earlier last week if we were going to Canada for the holidays. I laughed then almost barfed in my mouth. The thought of this crew on an airplane ride? Kill me now. How hellish would that be?! Um no. We statyed home and it was nice. We had ham and scalloped potatoes, buns, cran-raspberry punch, cranbrosia salads and glazed carrots for our Christmas Eve dinner then just did snacks and leftovers Christmas day. Everyone stayed in PJs all Sunday and I got to skype with my whole family to talk to my brother who is serving a mission in the Dominican Republic. It was a great day, the boys are more than happy with their new things and I am ready to pack up the tree and move on into a new year.

Santa was here!

He ate his snack- Dace requested chocolate milk and shortbread for him, then he left a thank you note!

Zade almost had more fun with the garbage bag of wrapping paper than with his actual toys.

Checking out all the goodies in the Thomas gift bucket from Grampa. It was a bit of a hit. Thanks Grampa!!!

Lots of puzzles!

The twins got new snugglies and they are so soft. Both babies are loving them.

The one thing Dace really, really wanted was a train from Santa that went around the tree, just like on The Polar Express. Wish granted! Here's a little clip for Grampa to check it out. It makes noise, has a front light and puffs smoke.

Touchdown!

2011-12-26T08:06:00.000-05:00

The twins slept through the night!
The twins slept through the night!
The twins slept through the night!!!!

Ammon slept 9pm to 7am
Nev slept 9pm to 730am

Zade woke up bawling at 530. Dallin went and rescued him and tucked him in between us.

"Have you fed any babies yet?" He asked

"No. What time is it?"

"5:30"

"....huh......Are they both still breathing?"

"yup"

"...huh....."

I then was awake just waiting for someone to wake up and eat. I fell asleep and was in the middle of a weird dream when Dallin brought Ammon in at 7. Shortly after he was finished, Nevea made her wake up call. Is this the end of an era? Will they sleep through from now on? Will I never nurse at night again? Stay tuned.....

Christmas Eve happenings

2011-12-24T23:21:00.000-05:00

Christmas Eve

2011-12-24T23:05:00.000-05:00

I talked with my mom and dad today and they are missing these grandbabies something terrible! Usually I wouldn't blog until a couple days after Christmas, but as a little gift to them, I will post some pics and clips of what our day was like. lots of fun and lots of crazy!!! Tomorrow morning is going to be a blast!

Little Miss is excited for her first Christmas!

She listened intently to grampa on speaker and he lulled her to sleep. She misses him putting her to sleep in person.

Ammon keeping snug and cozy in his fleece hoodie.

Christmas eve presents- the traditional PJs!

Dace was so excited to finally open a present.

Little St. Nick.

Christmas PJs. I asked the boys to stand by the tree for a pic and they took it quite literally. They were plastered up against that wall. It was funny.

Our first Christmas!

Everyone in new PJs. See Dace's face? That pretty much explains his level of excitement all day long. It's so great!

Christmas Kickoff

2011-12-22T22:49:00.000-05:00

We are into Christmas celebrations here at our house. Dace has been counting down days and sleeps til Santa comes all week. He is so excited, it is so adorable. Christmas morning is going to be so fun, Dallin and I are so excited to see the boys reactions, especially Dace. If he only knew how awesome its going to be!

Anyway, we went for annual light tour tonight to Dove Street and were sadly disappointed. It was maybe 1/4 the size it was originally. Even Dace noticed the difference. Usually the street is hopping with people walking and driving, cars bumber to bumper. But tonight it was actually quiet. So sad! We drove through the fire hall display on the way and it was massive, bigger than ever. We noticed that they were taking donations that Dove Street usually does so maybe that is the new IT spot. But we still have a good time. Two double strollers, sippy cups with hot chocolates and everybody's snuggly blankets. We had a nice walk in the balmy 71degree evening air.

so the clementines are being peeled, I whipped up the chips and dip tonight, a Racicot family holiday staple. I prefer more dip to chip but that is just me. Dallin and I munched on that with a little cran-raspberry cocktail while watching netflix after the kids went to bed. Which didn't take too long. Dace fell asleep in the van despite two screaming babies. Zade made his way upstairs before zonking out in about 2.2 seconds. Nev nursed and crashed, Ammon chugged a 4oz bottle the turfed it. All by 830.

The twins are down to one feeding a night. Merry Christmas to me!

The presents are wrapped. groceries are bought. Tomorrow I'll be dipping turtles. Kids are excited. Dallin is taking some time away from the office and the weather is great. I wish it would cool off a bit to be more chirstmasy but we are definitely taking advantage of the nice temps. We are in for some good family time over the next few days to soak it all in. Have a wonderful Christmas and we will see you after the holiday.

Zade being cheesy and Dace loving that he can watch movies in the van. He loves his van...and his remote. Hot chocolate is his new favorite drink, thanks to Polar Express.

So fun to go out in pjs!

The gang's all here! No we don't have 2 sets of twins. it just looks that way and everybody thinks it.

Ammon enjoyed the lights. Nev spent most of the time being ticked that no one was holding her.

When the camera comes out, Zade insists on posing for his own shot. Love this kid!

Dallin propped her up here to fix the tv and she fell asleep siting up. She was really tired because she was only there for about 15 seconds before dozing off.

Dace's new hiding spot. He burrows in there when he needs a quiet moment. Maybe I should see if I can fit.

Just Hangin' Around

2011-12-22T22:31:00.000-05:00

The Tradition Continues!

2011-12-19T21:42:00.000-05:00

Smilin' Girl

2011-12-15T20:43:00.000-05:00

I am so in love! That's it. I am so in love with this sweetie.

Baby boy takes the Lead

2011-12-15T19:25:00.000-05:00

Ammon is currently in first place in the best sleeper race. Tuesday night he did the first 8 hour stretch, 1230-830am.

BUT-

Nevea does like to sleep in til 1030 or 11. She is her mama's daughter.

who will be the first to sleep through the night? stay tuned....

pics from the last week

2011-12-13T23:08:00.000-05:00

starting to look similar.

Maybe she has some Dean in her after all!

Chunker Elf.

Popcorn time!

When Zade naps, Dace plays games on his 'puter. He will stand here for hours.

The pink peanut. She is getting really good at napping and falling asleep on her own.

Dace drew a sun and then a train on tracks. He wanted me to take a picture for the blog so gramma and grampa could see.

Photo of the Day

2011-12-13T23:04:00.000-05:00

This captures these boys perfectly. I have no idea how I got this perfect photo but I'm glad I got it . They run around all day long and more often than not, it is Dace chasing Zade. Zade loves to provoke him into a chase or Dace will just ask him if he wants to run, Zade will grunt his approval and off they go.

And now a message from your body

2011-12-13T23:00:00.000-05:00

I NEED A BREAK!

My body screamed that at me Monday morning and forced me to listen.

I woke up on my left side. I hadn't even opened my eyes yet when I went to roll onto my back and - KRINK!- totally threw my back out. It seized up in between my shoulder blades. I couldn't move and I could barely breathe. Thankfully, I had my cell right on my night stand so I called Dallin downstairs to come up and help me. We got me onto my back but I couldn't lift my own head, I couldn't work out the kink and still could not breathe deep. I was scared. I had never had anything like that happen before and I seriously thought that I might end up paralyzed. It felt like my spinal cord had been kinked up like a garden hose. It was horrible.

Dallin gave me a blessing then went down to be with the boys til Jenna got here and I called my chiropractor. She figured I had thrown out a thurasic and possibly a rib. She said to ice it, hot shower, ice again and come in. So I did. My spine was a mess where I felt the most pain. She adjusted me, then we did traction then she adjusted me again but the muscles in my shoulders and neck were so tight that she figured they would pull everything out of place again if I didn't get them to relax. And I did have a rib out. She had to adjust it from the front which was an awkward feelng but felt so much better.

We got home and the only relief I felt was laying flat on the floor on the heating pad with my feet up. Which I could only do for a few minutes a couple times during the afternoon. Other than that, I just wandered around the house all day because there was no position I could get into that relieved any of the pain. It was horrible. Worse than post-Csection.

My saving grace was a friend from church who is a massage therapist. She came to my rescue and worked on my back for an hour and a half. My whole right side was in spasm and she said that most of the muscles were so tight and knotted they felt like bone. Talk about a wake up call! My chiro had listed off all the ways a mother twists and lifts all day long without really noticing and after thinking about it, I realized that i haven't gone for more than a couple hours without lifiting something for over 2 months. Lifiting babies in and out of cribs, car seats, change tables, lifting them to nurse, holding them to nurse. No wonder my shoulders and neck were such a mess AND I was blown away at how far reaching the damage went. That kink went all the way down to my lower back, wrapped around to my chest to where I have been having nursing pains. All these little problems were connected to one big muscular knot that I have felt for weeks and had neglected.

So a wake up call it was for me that I have got to take time out and take care of myself. It's strange because just the night before I was making a mental list of the aches and pains and bangs and bashes that I feel throughout my body and now I realize that I have been pushing it too far. Our bodies, these machines that we have that run 24 hours a day, really need a tune up from time to time and I haven't done anything for months.

I have resolved to be more attentive to relaxing my body and giving it a break when I can. Laying down for a 5 minute nap here and there isn't cutting it. It needs massage and hot baths and yoga and stretches and more vitamins, water and nutrients and of course more sleep. This was definitely an unforgettable learning experience and I have gained a new found empathy for people who deal with back pain.

I am feeling so much better today. Able to breathe and move about 90% normally. Still need some heat and stretching but at least I could function today. The twins went back to bed at 9am this morning. I was tired but felt like I should get showered and do laundry but then I thought, No. My body is tired, Jenna is here so I can sleep. I am going back to bed. So I did. It was wonderful. From now on, I am going to listen to those little messages from my body. Because if this one breaks down, there is no spare in the trunk.

Photo of the Day

2011-12-07T22:48:00.000-05:00

Without fail, every time we go to a ward party one of the boys is sick the next day then they pass it to the other. Dace came home with a cold from the Christmas party and Zade took his turn with it starting Monday night. Poor little tike. Fever, bad cough, stuffy. Yesterday was better and today was even better but I still kept him home from a play date-Dace got to go by himself.

We had some good mommy and me time this afternoon while the twins slept. I got him dressed to go outside but we only had about 2 seconds before it started raining. I love this little hoodie of his and so does he. It's going to be too small for him any minute and I want to get some good pics of him in it. I attempted that shoot today but the weather did not cooperate. This is the only pic I got before the rain started. At least its a good one.

Aaaaaand Switch!

2011-12-05T22:53:00.000-05:00

Saturday night Nev won the favorite award by going to bed at 8, getting up ONCE to eat at 3am then sleeping til almost 8. Ammon got up at 1 and 4 to eat.

Last night, they switched places. Nev ate twice, Ammon only once.

Both were in bed asleep by 8pm tonight (so were the older boys). We'll see what happens tonight but I feel like they are really starting to settle into their nights. I started bathing them every night just for a few minutes to establish that routine and it has really made a difference. I'll keep y'all posted.....

And here's the picture of the day. I look completely haggard and am still dealing with post partum skin issues but I love my little snuggle bug. I think she would live in this wrap if I let her.

Step Right Up and Guess My Weight!

2011-12-04T21:31:00.000-05:00

Come on, I dare ya. Take a guess!

Check me out. Whadya think??

And me too. They call me Little Miss but I'm not as little as you might think.....

(I have no idea why this picture won't load turned)

Well we finally got to the dr's office today after church. It's one of the nice things about having your Bishop also being your Pediatrician. Anyway, I was completely SHOCKED at what these babies tipped the scales at. Final guesses....

NEVEA 9lbs 11 oz!!!!!!

AMMON 12 lbs 6oz!!!!!

I have to say, I think that is pretty impressive. For babies that are barely 2 months old and were 6 weeks premature, I think that is an amazing feat. Both babies are only ounces away from completely doubling their birth weight. If nothing else, I have done this thing right. If nothing else, I make good, healthy, fattening milk. If nothing else, I think I deserve a gold star for this. ;)

All Mommy and Daddy want for Christmas is a Silent Night!

2011-12-01T21:27:00.000-05:00

Oh my gosh, you guys- this is really hard! Dallin and I were talking yesterday about how our current situation raising these two babies with these two toddlers is the hardest thing we have ever done in our lives. It's funny how building families means having kids yet raising kids can sometimes ruin your marriage. ha! ugh....

Last night I think we each averaged about 2 hours of sleep and that wasn't the first rough night we've had. I now know why sleep deprivation is a form of torture because I am beyond sleep deprived at this point. Thankfully the body is adaptable but what I would give for a sound 4 hours. just 4! There have been so many times over the last weeks that I have been woken up at night and have instantly been on the verge of tears because I am just SO tired!

I have been trying for weeks now to get the babies on a routine but it has been like beating my head against a wall. I have gone from Plan A to about Plan Q and still feel like I can't win. I have never had such inconsistent babies before. Let alone x2!!! I have read books (okay, flipped through them and tried to find the key points to apply) searched blogs and asked friends to try and figure out what these babies need. They have gone through growth spurts and cranky times and slept all day then been up for nights. Oh my goodness, when will the madness end?! Not to mention that I have 2 toddlers who have decided not to listen to a thing I say so that is another head against wall situation. erg!

But all hope is not lost. not yet. Both babies are slowly adapting to the EASY method- Eat, Activity, Sleep, You time. Although Nev still prefers sometimes to nurse to sleep, both are doing well at falling asleep on their own which is a huge feat. After reading a blog post yesterday, I have decided to give them 1 more month before I pull out anything drastic. I am grateful that they are warming up to EASY and then we have to get them sleeping through the night. I bet Ammon is over 10 lbs and Nev has got to be between 7-8. I might pop over to the docs tomorrow morning and have a weigh in just so I know where they stand. So they are at a good healthy size to be able to sleep at least 6-8 hours without eating. Nev has done a 7 hour stretch on 3 different occasions but I don't think Ammon has gone past 5. Oh the thought of them sleeping through the night makes me want to cry tears of joy. It will be so life altering once we get back to that point. Dace slept through the night, 12 hours straight, starting at 5 weeks. Ah, memories. good times, good times. To get our sleep back, our sanity back, will be so great.

Their awake time is also improving. Ammon is quite content at sitting or swinging on his own and taking in the sights, trying to figure out the ceiling fan and loving the Christmas tree lights. His favorite is sitting by the window and looking up into the tree tops. You can just see the wonder and amazement reflected in his eyes. It is such a neat thing. Nev, on the other hand, is still a little bit more maintenance. She'll only last for a few minutes before she squawks and wants a pick up. Where is Grampa Larry when we need him?! :) She definitely misses those snuggles, dad. She loves my mama wrap so i will tuck her into that and do what I can with her tied on before she falls asleep and I put her down. I'm slowly trying to stretch our her independent play.

They have both started cooing and making those little gleeful squeaks over the last couple days. I have begun giving them a quick bath each night, working on that whole routine thing, and both are loving that. Ammon can be a bit more dramatic if he's really not in the mood for being naked but he warms up in a couple minutes, scowling the whole time however. ha!

In big brother news, Dace and Zade are quite the tag team these days, playing great together for the most part but then equally getting into mischief and refusing to listen just because. Zade is slowly starting to try out new words and his favorite expression these past few days is a scowl, glaring at you from underneath his eyebrows. He's trying to be mean but it's hilarious! They loved decorating (and undecorating) the Christmas tree and Dace is slowly putting together his wish list. Our block has tons of christmas lights on it and they love taking a short walk before bed to check them out.

These last few weeks have been very trying, very tiring and very rough. But I know we're on the verge of a breakthrough. At the end of December, the twins will be three months. That seems to be the magic marker. My mom always says that by three months, babies have all those kinks worked out and everything becomes that much easier. Here's hoping and praying that that rings true for these two as well. We'll get them on a good daily routine and sleeping through the night and then sanity will be restored and I'll remember what my own name is and life as we know it will be that much easier. I know it's still going to be a handful and tough at times but if we can just continue to survive another day, in a few short weeks this too shall pass. And then we'll exhale.

more photos of the last 6 weeks

2011-11-30T13:39:00.000-05:00

Two month old twins

2011-11-30T13:31:00.002-05:00

Little Miss

The Chunk

Blessing Day

2011-11-14T18:28:00.000-05:00

Oh my gosh- I have 2.2 seconds so let's get some pics up on this thing!

Blessing Day was wonderful. Both babies were great- didn't even say a peep during them.

The best part was about Ammon's name. It said that his name was given by revelation and that during his life, he will be asked many times about it and have the opportunity to talk about the book of Mormon because of it. So he is pretty much a walking witness of the Book of Mormon. It was a really neat moment. Nevea had a sweet blessing as well, being promised to be well protected by her brothers during her life.

anyway-bing, time is up. enjoy these.
A big thank you to Gramma Carol for the beautiful blessing clothes. Nevea's dress is gorgeous and Ammon looked so handsome in his white tux, complete with tails.

Quote of the Week

2011-11-06T17:55:00.000-05:00

I can totally handle being a mom of four- as long as my oldest two are gone.
-Tovah Dean

Already?!

2011-11-01T21:37:00.000-04:00

The twins turned 1 month old on Saturday. crazy! it's been a blur of a month.
We've gone from this:

to this:

I think it goes without saying that these two have got the eating thing down pat! They are both chunking up well and we are loving it! Both are handsome and beautiful in their own right and are the sweetest, calmest babies. They are starting to spend a few hours a day awake and I am trying to bump that earlier in the day than the later evenings which they seem to prefer. But a regular bedtime of 2-3am for me is not going to work (which has been my reality for the past several days) so they are going to have to have their wake time earlier and each day gets a bit easier.
but keeping me up all night or not, they are the sweetest sweet peas ever.

Wishing You a Happy Halloween

2011-10-27T21:24:00.000-04:00

from Infinity and Beyond!

-Buzz and Woody

2011

Newborn Shoot- Part One

2011-10-16T13:23:00.000-04:00

How else do you celebrate being two weeks old but stripping nakie and doing your first photo shoot? Well at least in this family this is what these babies do. This is just a quick and very small sneak peak at some of the amazing shots Lisa took. These babies are going to have quite the port folio by the time we are done with them.

Nevea in daddy's hands

Ammon and Mama

Ammon

Nevea

Ammon

Nevea

Nevea's toesies

Five Years

2011-10-15T22:43:00.000-04:00

Monday was our fifth wedding anniversary. We waited until tonight to celebrate. My parents babysat while D and I went out for sushi. Mmmmm, sushi. Possibly the biggest sacrifice made in the name of pregnancy. So after months and months of abstaining from the craving, this mama finally got her fill. That was good enough of a celebration for me.

So what do we have to show for ourselves after all this time together?

Five Years. Four Kids. One incredible Life.

Here's to an eternity more of anniversaries....

A Big Boy Transition

2011-10-15T22:27:00.000-04:00

Today was a big milestone. We went from this:

To THIS:

Finally! Zade is in a twin bed. I whipped up his headboard today and we got everything put together.

I think Dace was more excited about the big boy bed than Zade. He especially loved all the firetrucks.

Dallin had to lay beside Zade tonight to get him to sleep but I think he did pretty good for his first night in transition. It will be a work in progress but I think he will adapt quickly. I guess we will see.....

A Beautiful Word

2011-10-10T16:30:00.000-04:00

HOME.

We are home.

These little bubbas are more than content to be home and reunited in their own crib. Snug as little bugs.

My alarm went off at 7am Sunday morning and somewhere around 7:25 I realized I was not yet out of bed. I started gathering the courage to get up when my phone rang. I knew instantly. If it was a 912 number, my babies would be coming home today.

And it was.

The wonderful nurse that we had had Saturday gave me the great news that Dr. Wright had discharged them and we could come get them anytime. I talked briefly with him then both of us got out of bed, more than ready to start the day.

Let me backtrack just for a minute- When mom and I got to the hospital on Saturday morning, our nurse said that Dr. Wright had moved them both to all bottle feeds. This shocked me since the day before they thought Ammon was a day or two behind her. But I guess he caught up real fast. When she told me they were both all bottles, I burst into tears. I knew we were so close to getting home. She said that because they were such great weights, if they did good on a day of all bottles, they might go home without staying the usually mandatory 48 hours on all bottles.

So when the phone rang that early, it was a huge weight off my shoulders. Its over. The long days at the hospital, the seemingly never ending hospital stay was finally over- 1 day short of a full month. Wow.

The boys did so great meeting their new brother and sister. Both were so gentle and sweet and Zade kept giving them kisses. My dad recorded it all- I'll need to edit the long clip down and post it here later. The twins of course slept through the whole thing. They sleep about 95% of the day still. The noise of their older brothers didn't bother them and they have settled into their new surroundings quite nicely.

I have gone into slow motion nesting mode. I was just getting into that phase when I was admitted to the hospital so I had some time to make up for. We spent the rest of the day cuddling babies, organizing clothes and the nursery and me tidying up countertops and other areas of built up clutter that I cannot live with. But it felt great to be doing something other than sitting around reading or watching tv. And have I mentioned how amazing it is not to be pregnant anymore? So amazing.

Thus ends another trial/adventure of the dean team and thereby starting another. I am looking forward to being a mom of 4 under 4. Well aware it is going to be super challenging some days but I also know the blessings will outweigh the stresses. So let's get started.....

No News is Good News

2011-10-05T20:57:00.000-04:00

Sorry for the delay in updates. I was discharged from the hospital on Saturday but allowed to room-in for two more nights. Then I was booted out of my room and haven't been on my computer much since. I finally decided to come home for the nights monday which was very hard to do. But I was tired and didn't feel like sleeping in a rocker for the night.

So now I spend the days in the hospital and come home at nights.

Ammon has been spending his days like this for the last 4 days:

My parents got into town last night and stopped in at the hospital to meet the twins and to pick me up to take me home.

This morning when me and Mom got to the hospital, Ammon was out of his light box. Yay!!! We got to snuggle him all day long. His levels are great and now it's just a matter of getting their feedings down pat and then we'll be heading home. There was some miscommunication about my requests with their feedings and had there not been, we would be a few days closer to being released. It's a long story. Anyway, I'll be talking to the doctor tomorrow and hopefully getting some sort of date to look forward to. And hopefully he can count the last few days of bottle feeding towards their credit. Because all their levels are great and they take the bottle so well. They nurse well too but they fall asleep too quickly to eat a whole feeding from nursing. They have to have all their feedings by mouth and be able to keep it down without any problem in order to go home. I know they are totally fine and will be fine with it but the nurses are very hesitant at pushing them too much, even though they have had no regression.

Anyway, i'll let you know what the doc says tomorrow. For now, here is a couple pics and video clips to fill you in.

Her fist might be wrapped around daddy's thumb but she sure has him wrapped around her little finger.

Double duty. Gramma is in heaven!

No More NICU!

2011-10-01T14:01:00.000-04:00

And the miracle continues!

Nev and Ammon were moved to ISN, a step down from NICU this morning and their IVS were taken out. This is huge!!!! Ammon is under the Bilirubin lights to treat his jaundice. He'll be in there most of the day then they will check his levels again.

Lori and I went to see them in the ISN this morning at 1030, their breastfeeding time. Ammon was fussing so I took him first. He opened his eyes for the first time and was really intrigued to see his mama. It was a beautiful moment to see his eyes and make eye contact. What a wonderful bonding experience. He wasn't interested in nursing. He did latch on and his sucking is 5times stronger than yesterday. So when he decides he's hungry enough to actually eat something, he'll be a champ just like his older sister. He is more interested in snuggling in and sleeping while being held that food through his tube is good enough.

Nev was sleeping peacfully when we got there but once she heard voices, she woke up to have a visit. Lori snuggled her while Ammon nursed and she fell back asleep. She latched on a little bit but again was more interested in the snuggles.

Both are barfing up their formula. Ammon threw up 3 times while we were there this morning, poor little guy. We really, really need my milk to come in. That is the current prayer request. Once that comes in and they start keeping it down, we should be able to be sent home. I really, really think we should be home by next Friday. That is the goal. We just really need the milk.

The Twins Have Arrived

2011-09-30T14:14:00.000-04:00

Nevea Juliet Dean (pronounced Ne-VAY-ah)

was born on Thursday, September 29 @ 2:31pm.

She weighed in at 5 lbs and measured 17 inches long.

Her brother, Ammon Liam Dean was born at 2:35pm.

He tipped the scales at 6lbs, 4 oz and measured 18 inches long.

Here's the full story-

I was in the middle of a dream early Thursday morning when I became aware I was having a contraction. I woke up, went to the bathroom, got my vitals checked and tried to go back to sleep. But the contractions kept coming so I called the nurse and she put me on the monitor. I kept having to go to the bathroom which is another sign I was in labor. I called Dallin to give him the heads up then called him back at 630 to make plans to come in because something was going on.

I was checked at 8am and was at a 2. This kind of surprised me because most of the contractions were strong enough I thought I would be father ahead. They kept me on the monitor for the morning, I kept going to the bathroom and at 1pm I was at a 4. They gave me a quick ultrasound to verify the babies positions and baby girl was still breech so delivery would be a Csection.

I was disappointed and a little confused and of course saddened but at the same time I knew that there was a reason they had to be born this. Lori, my amazing RS president and friend had come in around noon and she played the mama role for me which I will be forever grateful for. We couldn't have done it without all her help and support.

Things moved very quickly after that. Anesthesia came in to explain the procedure and what was about to happen once I got back in the OR. We had called Dr. Thompson AKA Bishop Thompson earlier that morning to give him the heads up so that he could be the one to work with us. He had come in earlier to explain how an epidural was administered etc. When he came back with his team, he and Dallin gave me a quick blessing and within minutes we were out the door and down the hall to the OR.

I was in tears from the time the ultrasound was performed until I was moved to the operating room. It was a mixture of emotions-fear, sadness, anxiety and just overall emotional drama. But Dr/Bishop was great. I was so glad to have a priesthood holder in charge of such a pivotal part of the procedure. (If the name rings a bell, yes, he is the same doc that worked with Dallin in his surgery). He walked me through the whole process which was a bit unpleasant but not as bad as I had thought it was going to be.

Once the meds were in and starting to warm my legs, I was quickly laid down on the table and prepped. I still cannot believe how quick it all happened. Within minutes, they had opened me up and were prepping to remove the babies. They brought Dallin in and Dr/Bishop continued to tell me what was going on on the other side of the sheet. By then my shaking had subsided for the most part and excitement started to take over. It is a weird sensation to be awake and feel the tugs and pulls on your body but feel no pain, just awkward movement and manipulation.

Dallin watched as Nevea came out butt first. We love the joke that she entered the world mooning her dad. haha! She cried within seconds and was whisked away next door to the heater. We could hear her crying in there which impressed everyone because that rarely happens, especially for someone this early.

Ammon was a bit trickier to get out. He was stuck up under the placenta and they really had to push and pull on me to get him out. I think I might get bruising on my ribs from where he was tucked under. Four minutes later, he was out too. He had a bit of a rougher start. His color was off and he wasn't breathing too well. They brought Nev back for me to see before they took her back to the warmer. I never saw Ammon because he had to be placed on oxygen.

The closing up process was really uncomfortable. When everything was done and they had to put my uterus back in (I know, ew. I didn't think that happened either until they told me that was what they were doing) I couldn't bare the discomfort. This began at the time when they took Dallin to go be with Ammon. At first I didn't want him to leave but I am glad he did because I was not in a good place over the next few minutes and am glad he didn't see me like that. Still no pain but really, really awkward pressure and feeling. Part of me was freaking out and the other part was telling myself- I am okay. I am okay. They gave me a drug to relax me via an oxygen mask and that was the trippiest dream I have ever had. I was conscious but not really. I seriously felt like I was falling though the hole in Alice in Wonderland. It was beyond bizarre. Thankfully, it was only about 15 minutes because I came back to reality and they were stitching me up. I was trying really hard to focus and resume normalcy. I heard the one nurse say she wasn't going to have any fingers left. I apologized and promised her I owed her a manicure. Then I started talking about how much I wanted some sushi. I could tell the nurses were exchanging looks and getting a kick out of my drug induced comments but I was fully aware of what I was saying. I really wanted sushi! I hadn't been able to eat it for months and after enduring that procedure, I felt like I deserved any meal I wanted.

Finally, all was done and they transferred me back to my hospital bed and pushed me into recovery. I stayed there an hour. Dallin and Lori took turns visiting with me. Ammon was doing better and both babies were set up in the NICU. After an hour, I was rolled down to my new room. Dallin and Lori moved all my stuff over from where I had previously been staying and we rested, had dinner and they visited the babies. Dallin left around 8 and Lori stayed the night with me. My pain was minimal. In fact, I was quite comfortable. I was on a liquids diet which wasn't any fun and it definitely wasn't sushi. But anything was better than the nothing I had eaten all day.

At 4, they woke me up to take out my catheter and get me on my feet. It went a lot better than I thought. Not really pain, just discomfort. I tried going to the bathroom then I finally got to go and see my babies. Both were in open bassinets no longer needing heaters. Ammon had an oxygen tube under his nose but only on a minimal dose and they figured he'd be off it by morning. Both were sleeping so I couldn't hold them but it was good enough to see them, say hello and touch their sweet faces.

Dallin was back to the hospital at 1030. We headed to the NICU because I was given permission to breastfeed both twins! This is huge for preemies their age. Usually, they don't have the sucking reflex yet nor the ability to eat and breathe at the same time. But both got clearance. I was so excited! Ammon got to go first. He did pretty well, considering the complications he had began with. He was more interested in staying asleep but I loved being able to just snuggle and talk to him. He sure is a cutie! Looks a lot like how Dace did when he was born. Nev woke up and Dallin got to do diaper duty (he had changed Ammon's too before his feeding) then they got to snuggle before it was her turn to eat. She eats like a champ! Just like a newborn. I am so excited! The nurse was impressed with both of their abilities. Dallin says to me- Isn't this fun?! We don't have to share!

We stayed with them for an hour and a half before I had to go the bathroom and was getting tired enough that I needed to lie down. So we came back and had lunch and both worked on computers and that brings you up to date the present moment.

We are beyond grateful for the miracle that is their improvement and growth. The nurse thinks they will be out of the NICU within a couple days, going down a step to Level 2 which is wonderful. We're not sure when we'll be able to take them home but I think it will be sooner than most of the staff think, because they are bouncing back so well. Dallin calls them the bullies of the NICU because they are easily the biggest babies in there. Most others are in the 2-4 pound range so our little tanks are definitely ahead of the curve. And once my milk comes in and they start eating regularly, they'll pack on that weight so quick and we will be home in no time.

Please keep the prayers coming. This miracle isn't over yet....

Mama meeting daughter for the first time.

Sorry it's a little blurry. Dallin in two words- absolutely smitten. She's already a daddy's girl. She woke up as soon as he started talking to her.

Ammon's milk mustache. He was too sleepy to eat nicely. :)

Then Again...Maybe Not.

2011-09-28T23:21:00.000-04:00

Let me start with the day in review because that is pleasant.

I slept much better last night after taking some drugs. I woke up before 8, had breakfast then had a little cat nap before showering and getting dressed. Then after lunch I did some reading and some emails then even got to go for a little wheelchair ride outside- woo hoo! I watched Eclipse and had another little cat nap and just overall had a pretty good day. Alisha brought me more yarn. She stopped by on Sunday and taught me how to crochet. Have I mentioned that yet? Anyway, I am really liking it and she brought me 4 balls of yarn so I should have a couple little blankets done by the end of the week.

I spent the evening crocheting and semi-watching tv then went up to the nurses station to use the scissors and chat with them. That's when I hit a road block.

They were asking me what the plan for induction next week was and Joan said that any babies born before 35 weeks will automatically go to the NICU no matter their weight, color at birth etc. Great. I had been told otherwise. I was told that they would go there but if their stats were fine, they would be released. She said that they would stay there for at least 12 hours before being released. So now I am rethinking the plan. They said to talk to Royek on Monday and he can talk to the neonatologist that will be on duty and they might be able to be flexible but who knows. I'll try not to think about it til then but jeez loueez can I please just get a break? let's just set a plan and get this all over with. I guess it's really not too much of a change since I was originally wanting to wait til Friday anyway but then I got antsy and since Royek wants to induce as soon as they are heads down, that changed things. But if waiting another 2 freaking days in this hospital means that they will come straight back to me then fine, I will give another 2 days of my life sitting in this room, brewing these babies and crocheting their blankets.

anyway, of course I'll keep you posted. Tomorrow is another ultrasound. stay tuned....

Things That I Miss

2011-09-28T17:42:00.000-04:00

Things that I miss from living at home and from being non-pregnant. Day 18 here at the hospital. I'm bored and trying to entertain myself. So let's see what I can come up with in all seriousness as well as some for comedic relief.
I miss....

1. My husband. This much time alone I feel like I'm single again. I kinda just want to sit down with him and makeout like we're teenagers. haha! oh wait, that's what got me here in the first place. never mind! ;)

2. My boys. Oh I just want snuggles and kisses and to watch them run round and round in circles giggling and playing with each other.

3. My bed.

4. My privacy.

5. Being able to cook and bake.

6. Daily doses of fresh air.

7. Wearing normal clothes.

8. Going to church.

9. Cleaning. Yup. I sometimes make a mess around here just to have something to tidy up.

10. doing my hair and makeup.

11. having a daily to-do list.

12. being able to touch my feet.

13. Having a lap that my belly does NOT rest on.

14. Eating anything more than a few bites without getting heartburn.

15. Laying on my stomach.

16. Rolling over in bed in a second, not 5 minutes while actually holding my belly in order to do so.

17. Being able to shave my own legs.

18. Not having to pee every 8 minutes.

19. Walking like a human, not an overstuffed turkey on his tiptoes with both broken hips.

20. Speaking of walking, I can't wait til I can wear cute heels again.

21. My waist measurement to be back somewhere in the 20s, not double+ that! I wonder if I'll crack the big 5-0 before next week.....

22. my innie belly button.

23. Being able to have a bath.

24. Nesting. I was just starting to get organized and then this happened. It's kind of driving me crazy that the nursery is complete chaos but that will change within a couple days of us getting home.

25. my Mary Kay meetings. I miss my girls!

26. washing clothes. I kind of like doing laundry. I almost find it therapeutic. weird, huh?

27. being able to work out or do anything that raises my heartrate and doesn't give me contractions.

28. speedwalking, not slowwaddling.

29. running errands or anything that involves contact with society.

30. being flexible and moving at ease without thought of pulling something, throwing out a hip or putting myself into labor.

Yup. This has all been swell and grand but I am ready to live at home again and have my body be my own.

Puppy Love

2011-09-28T16:47:00.000-04:00

One of the blogs I follow have just added a puppy to their family. His name is Ziggy. I copied a pic to show you him. Isn't he adorable?!

I love puppies that look like this! I have never really been a cat or dog person but there is something about fluffy little puppies like this that I cannot resist.

Every time she posts pics of this puppy and her little boy, I totally think of Zade. Zay zay LOVES dogs. He just squeals with delight when we meet one and he never gets bored of playing with them. I think he would love a dog like this and would look so stinkin' cute with one. Here is another borrowed picture. It totally reminds me of Zade with his own puppy.

Isn't this totally Zade?! I love the thousand words this picture speaks to me.

The only dog I have ever wanted is a chow chow.

Aren't they so cute?! Zade would just gobble him up!

I know, everyone has hesitant opinions about them being grouchy and territorial and bad with kids blah blah blah. But I want one. In fact, I want two. I've heard that they are best to add to a family once you've had all your kids so that they don't get weird if another baby joins the family. So now I daydream about getting two chow chow puppies for the kids once we are settled in our home in Canada in a couple years, with a big yard or even better a few acres for the puppies to roam with the kids. Because I think two little puppies that look like this would be a perfect addition to our family. And the thought of them following the boys around the yard makes me heart sing.

Light at the End of the Tunnel

2011-09-27T21:49:00.000-04:00

You want to know my favorite word in that title? End. Yup, we are almost there.

It's interesting that you really do have to hit rock bottom sometimes to start moving in the direction that you want to go-upwards. I had the worst night yet last night. 6am I was still awake. I called my nurse and complained at how uncomfortable I was and she convinced me to take a couple pills to help me calm down and get some sleep. Well, they worked. Gloriously. I finally calmed down and fell asleep. I got up around 9ish to pee and eat my breakfast then went back to bed til almost 130. I still didn't want to get up then but forced myself to. Then I still had a nap for an hour or so before 6. I'm going to get something at bedtime tonight to help me sleep and reset this bodyclock.

Dallin came up tonight to bring me some non-hospital food for dinner and a little date night visit. Before he left I got another blessing and it was exactly what I needed, they always are. How do people live without the prieshood power in their lives?! I am so grateful that it is a part of my life. These babies are getting ready to make their turn- to be head down. We are on the home stretch. We're going to have babies in the next week. I'm looking at the calendar and I think oct.5 will be the big day. If I can convince my doc to let me wait for my mama to get here.

I feel so good right now. Like I can breathe and can see the end and just have to hang in there a few more days. My waistline has grown another 2 inches- a jaw dropping 47 inches!!!! But---I am grateful. That means babies are growing really well. Baby girl looked a lot bigger in the ulrasound yesterday morning so I am happy for that. Mr chunkachunk continues to be so. Wouldn't it be so great if both babies were 6 pounders?! I am fairly confident he will be. She might be just a few ounces under that. But the bigger the better. The healthier they are, the sooner we can go home and my goal is to go home the day after they are born.

Speaking of which, I am one of only a few still on the high risk unit. Most were released today. So many that my nurse was sent home because there wasn't enough to do. A few more have been admitted but I am definitely the one with the gold star for being here the longest. Doctors continue to be amazed that I have been leaking for 3 weeks and have not gone into labor. I think I have finally convinced Royek that he doesn't know what's going on but that I do. ha! They just have no idea who I have in my corner and who is really in charge of this situation. I can't wait to see his face next week when he gets back and sees that these babies did in fact turn. Faith precedes miracles. I have been blessed to experience 2 amazing miracles in the same summer. What a humbling, growing and beautiful experience both of these trials have been.

An Upgrade and a Downer

2011-09-26T20:00:00.000-04:00

Monday, Monday. Can't touch that day. My grade 6 teacher used to sing that song almost every week. Now when I have a crummy Monday, I think back to that song.

So my nights are starting to all be the same. I go to bed around 1am after my monitoring is done. Then its tossing and turning and up and down for the bathroom then I usually resort to turning the tv back on to try and relax again after getting so frustrated with the ups and downs. Then sometime around 3am I finally feel like sleeping and fall asleep in the next hour. Then at 4am my nurse comes in to take my BP and temp then I am left alone for a couple hours til my first resident comes in to ask q's and check my breathing, heart sounds, check for tummy tenderness and any swelling in my legs. then an hour or so later my second resident comes in to do the exact. Same. Thing! WHY?!?!? I don't get it.

Then I go back to sleep and am usually left alone til I wake up around 10. But today was different.

Last night, I got moved to the one and only double suite in the unit. It is about twice as big but about 20 years behind in decor. I think I liked my smaller, renovated room better but whatever. Marsha, my night nurse, said that they'll give me the suite since I am the one on the floor that will probably be here the longest. I asked her about the other expecting mother with twins who had been here for 5 weeks and was supposed to be here til the end of her pregnancy. Well, she delivered over the weekend! Poor little babies. She was only around 28 weeks. I joked that maybe I shouldn't go to her room, maybe bad ju-ju, and send me into labor as well. But Marsha assured me the room was fine. So in I went.

Back to this morning. So I went back to sleep and woke up abruptly to my bed being reshaped. I pulled off my eye mask to find a new ultrasound tech setting my bed up. I told her that she should have woke me up. She said that I was sleeping so soundly that she thought I might sleep through the scan. Seriously?!?! Yes, rearrange my bed, strip me of my blankets, goop up my belly with cold jel and poke and prod at my abdomen for 15 minutes because I totally would have slept through that. Lady, I had ear plugs in; I wasn't in a coma! Needless to say, I wasn't impressed. Thankfully, the babies were cooperating and it was a quick scan. My breakfast had been delivered already and I was hungry so I ate quickly then went back to sleep til 1130.

But today has been a downer. It never helps when I wake up here in a bad mood because then I am cranky and just want to go home. I went to get in the shower and the head was broken. It just seemed like everything was falling apart and I was done. So I wasn't in the best mood today and very emotional. I just burst out crying during my lunch blessing on the food and was on the verge of tears all afternoon. I had another nap for most of the afternoon then had a visitor which was a really great pick me up.

I have finished my dinner now and am feeling much better. I can survive another day. Even though I am so over being pregnant. I am just uncomfortable all the time. This poor tummy of mine. I had to give my skin a pep talk to endure just a couple more weeks and then we would have some relief. My hips hurt. I waddle. I'm tired of wearing this tent of a hospital gown. I need a manicure, a pedicure, my hair colored and cut, a massage and my make up done. I want to sleep in my own bed, go outside whenever I want, and be woken up not by new strangers every night but by two little sweetpeas who want to eat and have a snuggle. I know that when I go home with these babies, it's going to be really, really hard. But I am ready for that "trial" and am so over this one.

Out of the mouth of Dace

2011-09-25T16:52:00.000-04:00

Two cute stories for you.

This one happened a couple days before I entered the hospital. At the supper table, I looked across to see Dace with his finger in his nose. I told him to not pick his nose but he didn't stop. I told him again and he said- "But....I'm trying to get all the little crumbs out." Ah yes, crusty little booger crumbs can be so annoying.

Today, after Dallin and the boys left the hospital Dallin called me to tell me this story. They were listening to the radio and Maroon 5 was on, the song "Moves Like Jagger." The chorus repeats that line over and over and when the song was finished Dace kept singing, "I got the moon jacket! I got the moon jacket!"

Two Weeks down!!!!

2011-09-24T18:51:00.000-04:00

I have survived...but barely.

I was grumpy this morning and ready to go home. I had another horrible night then they forgot my cream cheese for my bagel (the nerve!) and then my doctor made a joke of me trying to go into labor while I was out walking the halls. I know, it all sounds piddly enough but when tired and hormonal meet, plus boredom and homesick, the intersection is not a pretty one. Plus if I had a dollar for every stupid/silly/unappreciated comment I got while out walking, I'd probably be able to pay this hospital bill in cash.

I allowed myself to be a crankpot for a while then after lunch, Britt called and that got me out of my funk. Royek finally stopped in to talk to me, answering my questions about delivery and my birth plan requests. It was a 50/50 conversation. Part of it was okay, the other part I wanted to curse a blue streak and leave the hospital. So yes, even though I have surrendered as previously stated, I still go back and forth about the final outcome from time to time. I just have too much time to think. That has always been a downfall for me.

This baby boy has been trying his best to kick out an escape root on the right side of my rib cage all...day...long. I think I spent more time with my head towards the ground this morning than right side up, trying to encourage him to swim to the left and swan dive. He'd have so much room. But no. He just continues to kick and stretch in a place where there is simply no more room. Oh how I wish I could have some acupuncture today. He really needs to shift over and downwards. I'm out of ideas as to how else I can encourage him.

I had a nice visit time this afternoon. Dallin, Mark and Lisa came up to visit for a few hours which was really great. They just headed home a half hour ago. I think I'll take a nap now and then read a bit more and then see if I feel like watching a movie.

There were 10 babies born yesterday and at least 5 today. Weekends are so much busier than the weekdays around here. crazy.

Stretched to the Limit

2011-09-23T14:22:00.000-04:00

I am officially uncomfortable. And bored. Not a great combination for a Friday afternoon.

I am beginning to have a slight inclination as to what it would feel like to be racked in mideval England. The skin from my shoulders all the way down to mid-thigh is pulled to the max. It's tight, itchy, mostly red and yes, my body has finally succumbed to stretch marks. The word 'mark' doesn't seem to do them justice. They are more like 2 angry, blazing red jetstreams laying wake below my belly button. And they hurt! They are so sore and sensitive. Everytime I have an ultrasound or monitoring, I flinch and cringe when they drive their wands overtop of the area. And we still have 2 weeks to go! That means that each baby could potentially gain another pound before birth. The aftermath of this experience will be forever ingrained into my torso. Even my armpits are tight and uncomfortable.

Speaking of ultrasounds, I forgot to include that update from yesterday. Good news- both babies scored 8/8. Two points each for fluid, practice breathing, movement and heart rate. Her fluid is normal but still could use improvement. Bad news- she is still breech, he is still transverse. The little man is getting cramped in there. He is laying right under my ribcage and is constantly stretching out his legs. It feels like a roller pin under my skin as I see and feel his feet move out. I keep telling him that he would have so much more room and be so much more comfortable if he would just do a little 90degree head dive and reside in the left side of the womb. I even gave him permission to kick me in the ribs all he wants. Nope. He still hasn't moved.

I need a project. I joked on facebook this morning about bringing my sewing machine in so I could whip up halloween costumes for the twins. I have nothing else to do! I finished watching Mad Men and don't feel like watching anything else. I can only read for a few minutes before getting drowsy and wanting to go back to bed. I rarely have visitors and there is only so much pacing of the halls I can do, enduring the same blank stares and stupid questions/comments from passersby. And still another two weeks to go with all this?! I am so excited!!!!!

Like A Bridge Over Troubled Water, I Will Ease your Mind

2011-09-22T14:22:00.000-04:00

I have a confession. I've been listening to Clay Aiken. Yup. Clay Aiken. His version of Bridge Over Troubled Water is my favorite. That opinion probably is considered sacrilege for those who are true Simon & Garfunkel fans but there is a power and a tone in his voice that really gets me. Granted, I can't actually watch the American Idol clip of him singing it because he looks like a teenage version of Ronald McDonald after getting his hair styled by Ryan Seacrest. So I just listen to it- over and over again.

This morning, this song came to life for me. Yesterday, my dr told me he wasn't exactly pro birth-plan which really bummed me out. He and I are scheduled to talk tomorrow morning about delivery options and I thought that after him saying that, I wasn't going to get what small things I would prefer to do while delivering these babies. I vented to my sister and my mom about it and have been thinking about things AGAIN since our conversation.

Well, this morning my awesome nurse Robyn came in to check on me. I think I've had her for 4 days now and she is my favorite. Her looks remind me of my sister in law and she is a true southern belle sweetheart. She sat down on the bed next to me and said that there was something in my chart about Royek poo-pooing a birth plan. My night nurse must have made a note about it last night because she and I talked briefly about it as well. Robyn went on to say that they work with them all the time and listed several things that they could accomodate me for. Everything she mentioned is on my list. Talk about easing my mind! I guess it just proves once more that it's the nurses and not the doctors that run a hospital. She said that when delivery day comes they will make sure that they put a nurse that thinks the same way I do in regards to childbirth with me so that I will have the best help and accomodations as possible. Wow- what a sigh of relief. I was really starting to feel like I would be viewed as this hippie extremist surrounded by disapproving medical professionals. But my mind has been completely put at ease and I am thankful for that answer to prayer.

The only thing left to work out is when to induce. Robyn mentioned that the time between 34-35 weeks is crucial. It can make the difference between NICU or not. By the time my parents get here on the 4th, I will have been in here for 3.5 weeks. My goal is to be home by October 8, that Saturday. So now my prayers are focused on receiving revelation as to a date that is best for these twins to be born. Do we still plan on earlier that week and plan on possibly being in NICU for a few days before being released or do we chance it, let them simmer a few days longer and hold out til Friday and plan on going home the next day. I think I am leaning towards the latter option. If they are born on October 7 (share a birthday with Uncle Tighe!!!) they will be abour 34 weeks and 5/6 days. They shouldn't need NICU at all. I still feel very confident that whenever they are born, they will be completely fine. Robyn says the two things that release them from NICU is that they have to be able to breathe on their own without any problems and they have to be able to regulate their own body temp without assistance. Once those two things are a double check, they can be moved to the normal nursery, come to cobed with me and be able to be released. Preemie weight is sometime also a factor but mr. chunkachunk in there is already past the preemie weight category and she will surpass it by then as well. thank goodness. one less thing to worry about. I am doing everything I can to grow them as strong and healthy and big as possible. I am eating every few hours, keeping hydrated and eating as much protein as possible, including a couple protein powder shakes a day. Their consistent heartbeats continue to amaze everyone. They are so easy to monitor and seem very very happy in there so I think that is a gold star for my efforts. Now it just comes down to a date.

A Room Without A View

2011-09-21T20:45:00.001-04:00

I finally had company after a 4 day drought. Anyone local that is reading this, please come and visit. I really appreciate the company. Other than that, it's just me and Netflix. All. Day. Long.

Anyway, Dallin brought the boys up tonight along with another load of requests, including my camera card reader. So without further ado, here is the photo journal post that I mentioned the other day.

My non-view. Isn't it glorious?

My snack bar. Well, this is what it looked like on Sunday. Half of this is gone. It needs to be restocked.

My ~~cell,~~ I mean my room.

The art collection by Dace and Zade.

The ever-expanding waist measurement with two more weeks to go.....

The most common view on my laptop. I have 2 more episodes then I have no idea what I'm going to watch.

The vision board. Come on, babies- turn!!!!!

An Interview with Dace Dean

2011-09-20T21:43:00.001-04:00

I thought people might enjoy a break from my ranting to see the cute BEBs. I was missing the boys today so I was watching home videos that I have on my computer. This is a clip I made back in July and never got around to posting it. The kid is pretty cute.

Do you hear the racket in the back ground? Here is a clip of Zade playing. I think the two clips are a perfect comparison on the difference of these 2 little personalities- chill vs.high-strung. haha!

White Flag

2011-09-20T12:48:00.000-04:00

I believe in a lot of things. I know that God lives and believe in His priesthood power. I also believe that we as humans possess more power than we will ever comprehend in this life. Call it "the universe", call it the Law of Attraction but I know that there is a power out there that we can tap into and reign in through our own thoughts and energy. "Energy flows where attention goes." We have the power to change or create so much in our lives. But mastering that habit, that mindset can be a lifelong journey.

One of my favorite Oprah moments has to do with this topic. Several years ago, she told this story on her show. She had recently auditioned for a movie role. I believe it was for The Color Purple. She had spent days and days wondering and worrying and trying to predict if she would end up with it. One day she was out for a walk and of course was thinking about it. All of a sudden, she had one of her aha moments where she decided to just let it go. "In that moment," she said, " I decided to surrender. I looked up into the heavens, closed my eyes and said- I surrender this to you." She walked home and within minutes of returning, the phone rang and the movie studio offered her the role.

For some reason, this story has always stuck with me. At the time I heard it, I knew nothing of quantum physics, didn't know a thing about energy work and certainly never heard of the Law of Attraction. But as I have come to be familiar in all those areas over the last few years, this story is even more precious to me than ever. Because we really do hold that much power. "That which we resist, persists."

The last few days have been emotionally and mentally draining for me. I have been racking my brain trying to come up with a game plan as to how this pregnancy is going to end. There are several different options with so many big factors still up in the air, that the more I tried to put pieces together, the more overwhelmed, frustrated and alone I felt. I have been prompted so strongly throughout this pregnancy about so many things and then all of a sudden, I feel like I no longer have the answers, the most important answers of all, and it's all up to me to figure it out and be right.

This morning, I talked with Royek about a few things. After our conversation and me talking it over with Dallin, this is where things stand:
-if the twins stay transverse, we will schedule a section for oct. 5.
-if we can get them to turn, we'll give them a few extra days to simmer, induce on oct.7
-if they are both heads down, AWESOME! IF baby B is breech, Royek wants me to have an epidural so that baby B can be manually extracted. Vaginally delivering a breech baby doesn't seem like an option around here and when I asked about how much time he would give the second to be born, he really didn't answer the question.

SO- where does that leave us? Most ideal situation- both babies turn head down and stay that way. I will do whatever I can in my power to get them there- several inversions a day, pep talks, visualization and I'm going to write a letter to the twins today about it. Sounds weird but it is just another form of visual therapy that has proven to be quite successful.

Other than that, I surrender. There is nothing more that I can do, nothing more that I can plan beyond that point. We will continue to pray and have faith of course. But trying to control or manipulate anything else is not an option and I surrender. Sure there is always a slight chance that I will go into labor before 34 weeks but I really feel that the Lord put me in the hospital to keep these babies safe and growing. These are special little spirits with big work to do in their lifetime for the Lord and He could not risk them being born too early. Had I stayed at home, it is almost inevitable that I would have delivered them by now. So I will surrender my will to His, I will do everything in my power that I can to create the ideal delivery for us and He will take care of the rest.

Stupid Hospital BS

2011-09-19T14:31:00.000-04:00

I probably shouldn't blog when I am this cranky but then again why not. What else do I have to do?

So I was about 10 minutes into my acupuncture treatment this afternoon when my nurse came in and was very hesitant about what was going on. She said that my chart said I could not have acupuncture. I told her that this was my second session, that it had been approved last week and I hadn't been told of any changes. She said that the decision had been passed up to risk management and they denied it, saying she had no priviledges in practicing at the hospital. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.....

So risk management would rather have me undergo major surgery to have my babies cut out of me than to allow a risk-free energy work to be done on me in chances of turning the babies so that they can be birthed vaginally. See what I mean- stupid hospital bullcrap. This is just one reason why I wanted to avoid this whole situation to begin with. ughhhhhhhhhhh....

in other news, the babies are starting to turn. Her fluid is back up to normal as of this morning's ultrasound. She is butt breech but she is slowly moving up the right side. His feet are above her head and his head is now on my left. So she just needs to flip and he needs a little 90degree turn and boom- we'll be in business. I guess it is now up to me to do whatever I can on my own to assist them as well as all the prayers that continue to be said on our behalf.

A Slow Sunday

2011-09-18T20:23:00.000-04:00

I slept in til 10 today because last night was kind of rough. I was getting a little frustrated with this leak situation. It keeps me up for hours sometimes. Anyway, after breakfast and a quick shower, Karen and her husband came in and she gave me another chiropractic adjustment. She said my ligaments and alignment were much better than the last time. The babies really respond well to these treatments. I have another acupuncture treatment scheduled for tomorrow afternoon. When my night nurses came in an hour ago, Raquel said that her supervisor was looking into liability with the treatments. I might have to sign something. Whatever. I'll sign whatever but don't take her away until I say so. This is all helping, I know it. I'll be ticked if they change their mind and would probably just smuggle them in to treat me anyway. What are they gonna do? Send me home on bad behavior?? hmmmmm.......

Dallin came up by himself after church. We worked on an inversion and actually had a decent conversation lasting more than a few minutes, which is usually the case when the boys are here visiting. Lisa popped in for a bit as well and it was nice to have a room of company. After Lisa left, I walked Dallin to the elevators and dinner was waiting for me when I returned.

I have a nice photo entry ready for you today but my computer won't read the card directly so I will have to wait til tuesday or wednesday for dallin to bring up my card reader. Then you can see the inside scoop of my living quarters.

Tonight I have been a bit lost in thought. I have been thinking a lot lately about how to go about fighting for my rights with my babies after they are born. I was just down at the nursery where there was a little guy naked under the heating lamps sleeping peacefully when the nurse came over to give him a bath. He started screeching and all those tiny limbs flailing as she went about scrubbing at his face and head. I couldn't watch. I had to walk away. That is just one thing of many I want to avoid with my babies. I don't want them separated from me in the first place and I do not want them bathed by anyone but me and definitely not hours after birth. Babies are not dirty when they are born! Anyway, I'll save my speech on the topic but I have been worrying alot the last couple days about those postpartum hours for my newborns. I called Georganna (midwife) and we are going to powwow tomorrow to come up with a plan on how I can get what I want and how to go about getting it.

This all probably sounds really silly to those who have had a hospital birth and see my birthing center experiences as a bit extreme. But this is such a 180 from what I know and want. I have very strong beliefs in regards to the bonding/comforting that takes place immediately after birth. I want my babies with me. I don't want them being dealt with by plastic gloves, under bright lights, swirled around in plastic bins up and down the hallway, washed up with antibacterial soaps like they are some kind of infectious alien to our planet and needlessly poked and prodded. I want them held and bonding with their mommy and daddy and grandparents......It almost makes me start thinking the question- why did this have to happen? Why couldn't we have the birth that I had envisioned and that we had pretty much finalized details for? I know everything happens for a reason. So what is the reason for this experience? I'd really like to know because I really don't like this worrying feeling. This feeling that a disappointing experience is inevitable. I am still weeks to go and all I want is for all of this to be over and to be at home with all 4 of my babies. God give me the strength and the patience and the courage to endure at least 2 more weeks of all of this......because right now I am feeling kind of bummed about the end result.

One Week Down

2011-09-17T21:26:00.000-04:00

I can't believe I've been in here a week already. It has gone by fairly quickly for which I am grateful. I must confess I am getting somewhat baby hungry. I think there are 7 newborns on the floor now and I want to meet mine too. But I know that it is still too early. They need at least another 2 weeks to bake and so I will continue to be patient.

Dallin brought the boys up to visit today. We spent a few minutes in my room eating snacks and talking to my friend whose daughter is in PICU then we went down to the peds waiting room. there is a toddler table in there and a toy table so we closed the door and let the boys roam free for 20 minutes. Zade was more than content running from one end of the room to the other, flopping onto the chairs then dragging and pushing one of the toddler chairs around. It was nice to just sit and watch them play. I've missed their cute little faces and their interaction.

Dallin brought me a few new gitfts. An electric kettle so I can make my tea every night and not have to ingest the lukewarm microwaved water that the nurses have been providing and a little pair of speakers to plug into my computer for watching Netflix and movies. The volume settings on my computer are too low(even set at max) to watch without earplugs and they were starting to bother me. now I don't feel so isolated when I am watching something.

Lisa popped in for a visit around 6 and brought me Jane Eyre and Something Borrowed plus a bag of Dove chocolate caramels. Ah, she knows me too well. We had a nice visit waiting for my dinner to arrive. I've already watched Something Borrowed. It was good but totally rewritten from the book. After I post this I'll watch Jane Eyre.

I am up til about 1230 each night. They come in to do my 20 minutes of monitoring the babies right after midnight so I don't bother trying to sleep before then. I have enough interuptions during the night after 1am that it is pointless to try and sleep before that test is run. So don't hesitate to call thinking it is too late because I am awake until at least 1am every night.

I'm going to see if I can convince my dr to let me go outside for a bit tomorrow afternoon. I asked my nurse yesterday but she said they usually want me to stay on the floor because "they would have a fit if you got to the main floor and that cord fell out." Yes, because the chances of that happening are at LEAST in the 90th percentile. Ugh. worst case scenario thinkers. I could never work in a profession where I had to focus on the negative odds all day long. anyway, I'll see if it would be okay for Dallin to push me outside in a wheelchair. Fresh fall air would be glorious right about now. Now back to movie night.....

A Baby Boom on a Gloomy Friday Afternoon

2011-09-16T22:24:00.000-04:00

There is a lullaby chime that rings over the intercom whenever a baby is born. I think it rang 4 times this afternoon. Including my next door neighbor who had a 3lb baby girl, 15 inches. I only know this from the pink, informative wreath hanging on her door. She was high risk as well so I assume that teeny girl is in NICU. I hope she will be fine.

The newborn nursery is at the end of my hall and there are 4 babies in there right now. Two were right by the glass and I got a little choked up looking at those punkins. They were all chub and pink and bundled up and I just wanted to pick them up, take a good whiff of that nerborn baby smell and give 'em a snuggle. A few more weeks and we'll have two!!! I can't imagine not wanting your newborn baby right beside you but that is just me.

My awesome RS president came to visit me today and brought me a basket of goodies. No, she literally brought me a basket. Fresh fruit, lollipops, chocolates, granola bars, M&Ms, crackers, cookies. It's better than a Christmas stocking! I love it! She stayed and we chatted for about an hour. It was great to have the company because with the gloomy weather today I was feeling more lonely than usual. But she fixed that!

The babies have been doing a lot of swimming today. Round and round in summersaults and pushing my belly to its ultimate stretching capacity. It's hard to believe that there is only about 9 lbs of baby in there. Feels more like 12-14. All of the prayers and pep talks and treatments are really helping. I'm excited to see when the big flip happens next week. We will all be more comfortable when that happens.

A Small world in a big hospital

2011-09-15T21:50:00.001-04:00

The day started off with an ultrasound at 9am. Both babies are still doing well but baby girl's fluid is below 2cm which puts her in the below average range for fluid. No need to panic. She can still survive and be fine with that and it doesn't mean that i'll be going into labor anytime but I have been chugging water all day to try and boost it back up. Today was the first morning that I woke up really thirsty too so I'm not too surprised that it was low. I'll bring it back up to a safer, better level- no problem.

Then around noon Karen, my new chiropractor came in and I loved her from the moment I opened the door. She's got this great energy and this chic hippie vibe. We hit it off instantly. She gave me some pointers on how to do more effective inversions (the best one I need help with so I have to wait til Dallin comes to visit) but I can still do one in my bed. Then she adjusted my neck, hips and ligaments and it felt soooooo good.

A few minutes after she left, Nicole came in. She is the acupuncturist. I was so excited that I got the go ahead for both of them to come in and treat me. She is wonderful as well. Today's treatment was a lifting treatment to get the babies up, the ligaments open so that they have the space to move head down. I love acupuncture! It feels so great to have those points energized and the babies started reacting within the first few needles being inserted. I had about 10 needles in- feet, legs, forearms, behind my ears and one on the top of my head. For the record, if the thought of this is making you want to throw up, you don't even feel the needles being inserted. An acupuncture needle can actually fit through the whole of a normal needle. They are that thin. It can feel like a little mosquito nip when its inserted just because you are alerting that energy point. But it is not uncomfortable at all. It feels good!

Anyway, the second part of the treatment is to put a chinese herb on my baby toes called moxa. Then she takes a coal wick and places it close to the moxa to create heat. Once I feel the heat, I tell her and she pulls it away. The babies are supposed to feel the heat and turn and swim towards the heat. I know, sounds fishy, pun intented BUT turning babies with acupuncture has been proven to be more effective than external version. This was proven in an article in some British medical journal. So don't knock it til you try it! Or see it to believe it. Which you will because I know these babies are going to turn.

My midwife Georganna showed up during acupuncture. she is friends with both Karen and Nicole so she is the reason I get to work with them. She stayed and visited for about an hour after the treatment.

Once I got back to my room from walking her to the elevator, things got interesting. I checked my email to find out that a family from the ward is here in the hospital with their 8 year old undergoing surgery! Ped ICU is on my floor so I texted my friend to see if she wanted some company while they waited for surgery to be over. Meanwhile, another knock at my door and it's Bishop Thompson, the anathesiologist who worked on Dallin. He came in to visit and when I mentioned this family, he said that he and Suh just finished working on this little girl from my ward. Somehow Suh knew that I was here and so he came to say hi. Small small world. Everything went fine with the little girl and after a short visit, Thompson left and supper was delivered. While I was eating, my friend popped in to visit and we had a great talk about how incredible it is to be able to lean on the priesthood during times like this and trust in the Lord that everything will work out. Her daughter will be in the hospital for at least a week so we will be able to visit back and forth and she is going to be just fine.

So it's been a busy day for company and progress in turning these bubbas. Tomorrow is Friday already. I've been here almost a week. Time is going by rather quickly and each extra day for these babies to bake is such a huge blessing.

I'm dating Netflix

2011-09-14T19:54:00.000-04:00

I've been watching a lot of tv online thanks to the generous servies of Netflix. It is a godsend and definitely worth the small monthly fee we pay for it. I have cable in my room but 95% of the time that is hit or miss and during the day it is only really good for mindless channel surfing.

Dallin brought the boys up tonight. Their visits are quick and busy but I am so glad to see them. As soon as Zade saw me, he just started squealing and smiling so big and laughing. It was the cutest thing ever and made me get a bit choked up. Dace wasn't shy at all today- big hugs and kisses and stories to tell from the minute they walked in. Plus they had fries to share which always helps.

My belly is feeling different. Ever since yesterday. I have been pep talking these babies about turning head down. We do this several times a day and they get a little massage at the same time as extra incentive. They have been moving alot the last 24 hours and they feel like they are laying differently in there. I have an ultrasound tomorrow morning so we will see. I have also been given permission to have a chiropractor come in which I am really excited about. she is one from Savannah, highly recommended by my midwife and she has an 87% success rate at turning breech babies. We'll see what she can do with transverse. She is coming in around noon tomorrow and I am really excited to have her adjust my uterine ligaments, help me with inversion and do what she can to nudge these babies head down.

The leaking has been light and slow today. In fact, there was almost nothing for an 8 hour stretch. Another possible sign that the babies are in a different position. And they took my IV out today before dinner. yay! All in all, I am feeling very optimistic about things. Now back to my episode marathon.....

Already Beaten The Odds

2011-09-13T20:37:00.001-04:00

I have discovered the secret recipe to sleeping in a hospital. It's the 3 E's- ear plugs, eye mask and elevation. I slept last night. woo hoo! then after a quick breakfast and morning monitoring, I went back to sleep til almost noon. It was great.

I had a visit from a neonatalogist this afternoon to give me some info on preemies. For the most part it was sad and very, how can I put this, detached protocol. For instance, there is no skin to skin contact with the mother if they are delivered before 34 weeks. According to her, the babies just get cold-stressed. Huh. Really? sometimes it is so hard for me to bite my tongue and not say anything about some of these "beliefs". There was a story in the news last year about a baby that was born before 30 weeks and the doctor told the couple that the baby would not last more than a few minutes. The mother requested to hold her baby and finally the doctors relented. She put the naked baby on her chest, carressed her baby and talked to her and within 2 hours had normal stats and went on to grow healthy and strong. Had that baby been placed alone in an incubator, would the end result have been the same? I highly doubt it.

Anyway, I will spare all the depressing protocols and possible negative outcomes. I know that that is what doctors are trained for and how they think- the worst possible outcome. But I just cannot get into that mindset. I don't want to and that is not who I am, especially about childbirth. She said 35 weeks is the cutoff for NICU. If they are born before that, they will go straight there, have antibiotics, be fed with a tube and will not be allowed in my room. They will stay there until their stats reach normal then they can be moved to the normal nursery and allowed in to live with mama.

She was talking to me like I was going to go into labor at any moment which I found strange. she said that most women with ruptured membranes go into labor within a week. I kind of chuckled and said it's already been over a week and I am fine. She was surprised and said that I have already beaten the odds then. And I am sure that the babies will beat all the predicted odds when they are born too.
So now my new goal is to keep them in til 35 weeks. Which would be about Oct 10- perfect! Our fifth year anniversary. Dr. Royek might be willing to be a bit flexible on the dates and the protocol if they are born a few days before that and pass all their tests with flying colors. I just want to avoid any situation that is going to keep me from instantly bonding and feeding and holding my babies. I want them on my chest as soon as they are born and I would gladly hold them for 2 days straight if I was allowed. I know the power in that bonding, especially skin to skin. But I know that whenever they come into this world, they will be healthy and normal and everyone will be amazed at how strong and healthy they are. And we will be home before we know it.

Turn Babies, Turn!

2011-09-12T13:03:00.000-04:00

Rough night last night. I still don't know if I actually ever fell asleep. I got enough rest but I woke up cranky because just as I finally felt like I was drifting out, the nurses started coming in and the floor started waking up and then my breakfast came almost an hour early and then the ultrasound tech came in. I just wanted to be sleeping for another hour!

Anyway, so I had a lot of fluid leak last night. But the doctor, Dr. Baker, Royek's partner, said that the amount doesn't really mean anything. Other symptoms like infection, contractions or abdominal pain means that something might happen. But last night was really scary. For a few minutes there I really thought I was going into labor and that was it. I chugged a protein shake, a granola bar, some water and prayed like crazy. And soon enough, the contractions/cramps stopped and I felt much better.

Back to the ultrasound- both babies are transverse and baby girl is really low down, face down, curled up. The tech couldn't get many measurements from that position and she was sleeping and didn't want to move much or practice her breathing. But we finally got her to do both after much prodding, unfortunately. She seemed about as tired as I was.

Baby boy was totally the opposite- he moved around and booted at the camera and even stuck his foot down into her shots a couple times. We saw him practice breathing and we finally got a great profile shot of him. I'll send it home with Dallin today to scan and I'll post tomorrow. But he is a cutie alright!

Fluids in both sacs are fine but she is the one that is leaking. That is quite typical of twins for the bottom one to be the one that leaks. Especially with a chunka-chunka brother laying on top of her! Check out these weights:

She weighs 3 lbs and 12 ounces. Baby brother-drum roll please- 4 lbs 11 ounces!!!! He's pretty much a pound heavier! It is totally safe for them to be this different since they are di-di twins, both with their own sacs and placentas. So it's not like he's stealing her nutrients. He's just bigger. Again, typical of a male twin.

So we really need to get them to turn. Dr. Baker is doubtful since there are two in there and really starting to run out of room. But I am not giving up yet. I will fight to the last minute to avoid a section. He is going to check hospital policy to see if I can have an acupuncturist to come in. There are some amazing stories of turning babies with acupuncture and my midwife works close with one who has had several successes. Hopefully we will be able to try it. I am also going to be doing alot of inverse laying in bed, feet up and drawing the twins down and giving them room to change directions.

Please, please pray for them to turn. I think that if they did turn it would help heal the leak quicker too because they would go from laying on top of each other to some sort of laying side by side and the lesser pressure would give the leak a chance to heal. At least that is what I think. It makes sense to me. So that is my focus. Turn, turn, turn.

Oh How the Tables Turn!

2011-09-11T16:45:00.000-04:00

Greetings from my hospital bed at Memorial. I'm tellin' ya, Dallin and I need to be put on the VIP list around here.

So here is where things are at. On Tuesday morning, around 10 I thought that my water had broke. I talked with my midwife and laid down for a few hours but the leaking continued. At 230, we drove into Savannah for the doctor to check. He said I was leaking amniotic fluid and was to go straight to the hospital for bedrest until the babies were born. I'll save you a long and frustrating story but we walked out of the office never to deal with that doctor again. I pow wowed with my midwives on the phone and decided to go to a different hospital and get admitted under the care of a different doctor that both ladies highly recommended- Dr. Royek. He's also head of the dept which is a nice bonus.

So we went to Memorial, they retested me and everything came back negative. Ultrasound showed that fluid was good around both babies and we were released.

Over the next couple days the leak continued a little bit but it didn't concern me until Friday afternoon when it started getting heavier. After a long night of it waking me up and me worrying about it, we thought it best to go get retested, just to make sure.

We went to our local hospital just in case it still was nothing to worry about and we could just go home. One test came back neutral and the ultrasound again proved both sacs had plenty of fluid. We were just about to get up and be released when I had another leak and the nursed tested it- it was undeniably amniotic fluid. That changed everything.

We went home to get my stuff, I received a wonderful blessing from Greg and Dallin then we headed into Savannah. We got checked in and another exam to confirm- yes, amniotic fluid. And apparently a fairly substantial leak. So I was admitted with this being the game plan- me on bedrest here at the hospital and being induced at 34 weeks. If I continued to leak, the risks of keeping the babies in at that point outweighed getting them out due to threat of infection etc. The babies are currently laying transverse-transverse (both straight across my tummy) and if they stayed in that position, I would have to be sectioned. But there is still plenty of time for them to turn so we won't have a final plan for about 3 weeks.

This was a really hard reality for me to accept. After two beautiful flawless waterbirths, this situation is the complete opposite of everything I have experienced and everything I believe about childbirth. But I also know that everything will be fine and everything happens for a reason. We know that these babies are already bigger than normal. Tomorrow we are doing a measurement ultrasound and know where they are currently sitting for size. Dallin mentioned that perhaps it needed to happen this way because if they went full term they might have been too big and more complications then than this situation may be.

For now, I am not worrying about it. There is no point. I am focusing on staying relaxed and healing my body.

Already overnight we have had a lot of improvement. After being on baby monitors for over 12 hours, I requested at 3am to have them taken off so I could sleep. I wasn't contracting and they were fine so I felt fine with refusing the constant monitoring even though they wanted to keep me on. I felt that it was more important to actually get comfortable and get some sleep. They too are comfortable with the babies situations so I have been switched to a 30 minute monitoring twice a day. I was on fluids but they have also discontinued that (yay! It was just going right through me anyway) and I have been taken off my iv for antibiotics. I have one more dose then will be on an oral dose for another 6 days. This is a new method that they find has worked in warding off preterm labor with leaks. The leak has substantially slowed overnight and I am more than confident that I will be healed in a couple days and the docs (who were very doubtful that it would heal) will be having to reevaluate their game plan. They might, just might be willing to send me home if I heal and stay dry for a few days. We will wait and see.

I am feeling really good and really optimistic about the situation. I know that this leak will heal. Whether they will be comfortable in sending me home is another story and one that I might not have any control over. But I know that the babies will be fine, their birth will be fine and that this too shall pass. They will be born perfectly healthy and normal in all ways and we will soon be home in our own bed with our little family of four and lots of grammas and grampas to visit and play with.

Dallin brought the boys up and Farr (my sister who has been visiting and heads home tomorrow) for a visit this afternoon. It was great to see all of them. Dace played shy at first but with a few chips and some cartoons he warmed up and was ready to sit with me and give me hugs and kisses. He even brought me the sweetest little picture he had made with dad. Of course that made me cry. Zade did pretty good for the first few minutes then just wanted to rip the place apart so the visit was relatively short but that's what I expected.

At this point, we welcome all prayers, calls and emails from friends and family. If you're local, Dallin needs all the help he can get with the boys so that he can get back to work this week. So please contact him if you are able and willing to help out in any way. I will keep you posted with any major changes.

Ninja Turtle No More!

2011-09-02T21:24:00.000-04:00

Want a peak at Dallin's spine? Here ya go...

It's a picture of the computer screen so it's not the best but you can see his new titanium hardware. This was the first Xray that he took at 1pm today. Dr. Suh looked at it and said it looked good but wanted to do a CT scan to measure the bone growth. So we went back to the imaging building (just across the parking lot) and he did the scan. The results were what we wanted. The bone has grown through the hardware (the tube you see in the middle that is connecting the vertibrae) and is looking really good. So Suh gave Dallin the go ahead to gradually stop wearing the brace. Wear it a few hours, take it off, back and forth so that the muscles build back up. We were so thrilled for this good news. We go back for one last checkup in 4-6 weeks and then that will be the end of this saga.

Dallin took the brace off when we got home and got big hugs from the boys. Dace summed it up perfectly when he told me " Daddy soft again. I so excited!" Yup, we are all excited. No more hugging or playing with a ninja turtle. We took the boys for an evening swim at the pool. It was so great to see Dallin walking around without his brace on. He is going to pace himself, don't worry. I won't let him overdo it and he doesn't want to either because the bone is still growing in. But he has had it off most of the evening and everything feels fine. Suh said that when he gets tired or sore it means to put it back on. And he will. We are so thankful for the speedy recovery and quick healing that Dallin has been blessed with. Now we're going to do our best to make up for a lost summer over the next few weeks. Lots of swimming at the pool.

Nursery Buddies

2011-08-29T13:17:00.000-04:00

I just love the boys in their Sunday clothes. Zade is getting more and more handsome every day, looking more like a little boy and less like a toddler. He does great sitting on the couch for his picture to be taken. Anywhere else doesn't seem to work. I love that Dace first gave us a way too cheesy grin then showed us how he really felt about getting his picture taken.

Zade's new trick

2011-08-26T22:57:00.000-04:00

Tuesday afternoon, Dallin took Zade up for his nap. We were both in the office at the bottom of the stairs when I heard him making noise. I asked Dallin if he was in his crib. He said yes. Is the door closed? Kind of, he said. Weird, it sounds like he is right there in the landing upstairs.

A moment later, I hear him on the stairs. Oh my gosh, he got out of his crib!

I went to the door and he was coming down the stairs with the proudest look on his face. He came down and ran into the office laughing and beaming from ear to ear. I couldn't help but laugh because he was so pleased with himself and because it meant such a big change that we were not ready for.

We took him back up to see how he did it and that is the video we took.

Dallin has rigged up an expansion to the bars to keep him in there. He straps on 2 tennis rackets to the sides of the front bar and then he doesn't have the room to get up and over nor can he get over the extra height of the racket. We were planning on putting him in a bed next month but now I don't know if we should go ahead with it or get a crib tent to keep him there a bit longer til he is mature enough for a twin bed.

We never had any problem with Dace in this regard. He never got out of his crib and even when we transitioned him to his twin, he never got out of bed. It took him several weeks to realize that when he woke up in the morning he could walk out of his room on his own. Zade will be more of a challenge adapting to the free range of a twin bed so we are still trying to figure out what we want to do.

Live Through A Hurricane - check.

2011-08-26T18:46:00.000-04:00

We had a grand adventure today. Dallin told me this morning that the waves were supposed to be 10 feet today and we should go check it out. It was a fairly nice morning, overcast but calm so we thought we'd venture out to the beach. It had been a while and the boys needed an outing.

We got there, set up our chairs (not because we planned on staying a long time but because neither Dallin nor I can stand for too long) and this was the view:

The waves weren't high but the water was just murky and the clouds out at sea were dark black. The wind wasn't strong at all- a typical beach breeze really.

I ventured out to the water with Zade and looked to our left. The hotel at the other end of the beach was barely visible, they were getting pounded with rain and the wind was blowing towards us. I took Zade's hand and we walked back to the boys. We needed to go. That rain was heading our way.

In the time it took me to start strapping Zade in the stroller and Dallin to fold up a chair, we felt our first few drops. Seconds later, we were in a COMPLETE whiteout of rain and strong winds. Both boys started freaking out and crying and I didn't blame them! I was scared too. Dallin grabbed Dace but was trying to pack up the wagon as well, I tried getting Zade's back to the rain and trying to get Dace from Dallin. I didn't know if Dallin could handle both. I felt completely incapable of physically protecting my children. It was the scariest moment of my mothering life. "How are we supposed to do this?" I shouted as we are trying to pull a stroller, a wagon and Dace all towards the boardwalk and trying to protect them as much as possible and try and see where we were going. I was tempted to just ditch the wagon, pull Zade from the stroller and make a run for it but we got everything going in the right direction.

I raced down the boardwalk with Zade who had stopped crying and was just a little dazed and we waited under the trees for Dallin and Dace to catch up. Poor Dace was still traumatized and crying. The rain subsided a little bit as we walked back to the car. We got the boys in safely then loaded up and headed home. Here is the aftermath:

After we got home, the boys went straight into the tub and bounced back to normal after that. I think it took me an hour to breathe my heart rate back down. I had rushed a little too quickly and am really feeling it in my hips now. I have been sitting as much as possible the rest of the day but my pelvis is not happy. I think the twins were clinging to each other during that adrenaline rush.

It was quite a scary adventure but Dallin says at least now we can say that we have survived a hurricane because that was just the tip of the storm that touched our shore. I shudder for what is heading straight for NYC.

What We're Watching

2011-08-22T22:37:00.000-04:00

This-

Currently, this storm will impact us and we will evacuate. We are hoping and praying for a drastic change of course because really, does our summer need to get any more intersting? not really.

We are prepping for it and will keep you posted as to what our plan of action is.

18 months and 37 years

2011-08-18T15:49:00.000-04:00

Guess who is a big boy now? A big nursery-goin' boy?

This guy...

Zadek is 18 months old today.

AND- a shoutout to my parents today on their anniversary. I am pretty sure it's 37 years, maybe 38. We love you and hope you have a great dinner to celebrate your first anniversary as empty nesters.

Dace Art

2011-08-18T10:23:00.001-04:00

Dragon. By Dace Dean

This is the first cut n paste collage Dace did. Dallin asked him if it was a snake. No, he said. It's a dragon. Do you see it? He cut all the shapes by himself and put them all together on his own. I personally think it's freaking brilliant. But what am I, other than the biased, proud mama. ;)

A Buffet of Dean Details

2011-08-16T22:29:00.001-04:00

I really wish I was updating this more because I know people are missing the updates. I need to be taking more pictures too so maybe I will set that as a goal next week.

First off, let's talk about Dace. Oh that boy is such a sweetie. He came in to wake me up this morning and said, "Mama, you are still my sweetie." Talk about putting a big smile on my face first thing! How glad am I that I am still his sweetie because there are some girls at church that are really giving me a run for my money. :)

He is getting really, really good at building these towers. He built this one on Sunday night and again asked me to take a picture of it. It is the best one he has made yet. Maybe award winning architecture is in his future. I guess we will see.

Yesterday we picked him up some craft supplies. I have been feeling bad that he is watching more shows than usual these days just because I am almost useless company and entertainment and there is only so much Dallin can do with them too. So I thought that some craft supplies for another option might be a good thing. Boy was I right! He painted and drew and cut and pasted for about an hour and a half this morning! and loved every minute of it! I think we have our new morning activity while Zade sleeps. yay!

Like his chocolate goatee? Dad made pudding this morning.

And then we have our chunk, Mr. Porkchop. Mr. eat all day and never get full.

Zade mastered his first word- cracker. Of course it would be a food object. He can also say amen but it's more like ah-min. But he is very proud of cracker and kind of sounds like a parrot, repeating it over and over again when he's asked to say it. He climbs on everything, is in to everything, will eat anything he finds and wants to eat anything he sees on the counter no matter if it is only seconds after a meal. He loves running around with his brother, is sleeping through the night almost flawlessly and LOVES getting his shoes to go outside or for a car ride. He is quite the amazing little boy who can fake cry like none other and has quite the little big personality. Did I mention he starts nursery full time this week? Yup, he is 18 months old in a couple days.

By way of Dallin- He was released from the bishopric on Sunday, after nearly 3.5 years of being in the branch presidency then the bishopric. We both knew it was coming but it happened quite abruptly. I was home with the boys who were sick when he texted me the news. It is bittersweet. However, I am very much looking forward to having him home Sunday mornings and afternoons and sitting with us in church. He was called in a week before Dace was born so I have never known a sacrament meeting with kids and a husband to help. Its going to be a great improvement.

As for me- slowing down and growing bigger. That will be my life for the next 10 weeks, give or take. We saw the doc today. Babies are good but my weight is not. I've only gained a pound in two weeks. How weird is that? I still eat almost all the time and am sleeping and resting more than I am doing anything remotely physical. I've had some days without an appetite but I seem to make up for those on other days. So I need to increase my snacking over the next couple weeks so that I am gaining more weight because the babies are starting to use up what I have stored so far. Sighhhh, fine. If I have to. Pass the doughnuts. ;)

post-post: totally forgot to mention the biggest, best news- WE have our approval for medicaid! yippee! still don't have all the details yet but the majority of Dallin's bills should be covered, if not all of them. Huge answer to prayer. what a relief!

Second Ultrasound

2011-08-11T00:46:00.000-04:00

We saw the twins today! Dallin and I went into the hospital for our second ultrasound. It was pretty neat. Both babies are doing well and are a good size. Baby girl is 2.7 lbs and Boy is 2.11 lbs. Already over 5 lbs of baby in there and that will probably triple before this is all over. wow- that makes my back ache just thinking about it. ;) Today they were laying horizontal over each other, like I have bunk beds in my tummy. Baby girl is still A, closest to the bottom and baby boy is on the top bunk. both have their heads on my right side.

Baby girl loved the camera and gave us a lot of good face shots. Baby boy was just as shy as last time. The tech tried and tried to get a decent profile shot but he was not cooperating. Neither was she. As soon as baby girl realized we were trying to get his picture, she butted her head into every shot, trying to push his head out of the way. It was funny and really neat to see them interacting like that. At one point, he turned to the camera and opened and closed his mouth, like he was blowing kisses to mama then finally gave up on the whole charade and rolled over completely, giving us a nice view of his spine and brain. Sister then realized the show was over and settled down too.

I've also realized that my counting has been wrong. I assumed that since 38 weeks is full term for twins, it would bump my due date and how far along I am. Not the case. It is still based on a 40 week expectancy. So today I am 26 weeks and 3 days. I will post some pics tomorrow. Gotta scan them in and it is too late for doing that. I really should be sleeping but that is easier said than done these days.

Huge

2011-08-04T22:02:00.001-04:00

I'm still 11 weeks away and I am already feeling huge. Like massive. As in, I am sitting here typing this and can feel my stomach resting on my thighs!!! As in, some of my maternity clothes no longer fit. Ew!

BUT, and this is a big but, kind of like my big butt, I still am stretch mark free. Woot woot! Can I just mention again how much I love my Udos? I swear that stuff is my saving grace.

This morning, after my shower, I was lotioning up my tummy and Dace walked into the bathroom and stopped dead in his tracks.

"Whoaaaaa!" he shouts.

Me, laughing, and kind of suspecting what he was whoa-ing about, I had to ask anyway. "What, Bubba?"

After a short pause, "I like your... BIIIIIIIIIIIIIG tummy!"

I guess he thinks I'm huge too. ;)

Meeting The Doc

2011-08-04T21:51:00.000-04:00

Tuesday morning Dallin and I took Tighe to the airport then killed a bit of time in Savannah before going to our first appointment with Dr. McLeod.

I'm still humming and hawwing over our meeting. It was kind of....diasppointing.

I went back first to do some paperwork with his nurse (who was great- loved her!) weigh in etc. Then I grabbed Dallin and we went to the exam room. After a few minutes wait, McLeod and his nurse came in. He gave us both a quick handshake then wanted to measure the tummy, then quickly checked the heart rates, then checked my ankles then walked out. The nurse helped me up off the table, gave me a book about prenatal and postpartum info and I was starting to freak out in my head thinking, that's it? He's not even going to talk to us?! then she told us to go down the hall to his office for a talk. Oh- okay, phew! I almost freaked out.

So we went down there and he was very matter of fact asking questions about how far along I was, what vitamins I was taking, warnings about cutting my work down etc then opened it up for questions. I asked him and talked to him about some of my concerns and the overall vibe I got from him didn't jive with me really well. He isn't warm and friendly at all. I remember that from the one and only time before we dealt with him when Dace was a baby. My friend had the same experience with him too. You could say his bedside manner is beyond lacking, at least in my opinion. I don't know if that is the difference between a doctor and a midwife or between a male and female. He seems to blow off most concerns and questions like my feelings are not justified and that my worries are no big deal. I don't like feeling like that. I like feeling cared about and that my feelings are justified (midwives are so great for that) and he is almost the complete opposite.

BUT -he is very easy going, he will not put me in the OR when everyone else seems to think that is where twins MUST be born. He is fairly easy going as to most of what I want and don't want and that is his saving grace. I left the office feeling rather deflated but at this point he is our best option and I can just hope our relationship improves over the next few weeks.

Last night I couldn't fall asleep, thinking about the appointment and wondering if he really is the best fit for me. I texted with Emily C for about an hour and she talked me off the edge- thanks, Em!! I feel better about it today and have realized that I can and should only focus on the things I can control. I can focus on doing the best I can throughout the rest of this pregnancy and just focus on having the best delivery I want and do whatever I can to create that experience. The rest is out of my control.

One of the most frustrating things about the appointment was that there is no consistency with information about this pregnancy. I have been reading this book that is specific for twin/multiple pregnancies. It's written by 2 women doctors who both have had twin pregnancies and run a multiple births clinic. But McLeod disagreed with most of what they had said and that I was doing. Who do I listen to? Even my midwives had conflicting opinions. Most people think twin pregnancies is just two babies but it is SUCH a different ball game than a singleton pregnancy. For instance, the book claims that weight gain before 28 weeks with twins is crucial because after that there is little room for the stomach and it can be a struggle to keep up healthy weight gain. So that weight gain prior to 28 weeks becomes a storage for both babies and mama. They say to gain 38 lbs by 28 weeks. McLeod disagreed. He says 40 lbs overall. Forget about the 28 week thing. Book says to drink 8 16oz glasses of water a day. McLeod says 4 is sufficient. Book says 38 weeks is full term for twins. McLeod is still clocking me for a 40 week pregnancy although he doubts we'll get that far. But farther along is better.

In the end, I have decided to side with the experts. McLeod has delivered hundreds of twins in his 30 years of practice but specializing in the prenatal care of a multiple pregnancy is something he does not do. And I will continue to listen to my body, follow its lead and trust in my instinct. Because it has been pretty amazing up to this point.

When he listened to the heart rates, he said that baby girl was head down and kind of curving up my left side while baby boy was laying horizontal over top of her. Maybe he was at the moment but for the most part, I think he is head down and feet up as well. Even as I have been typing this, he's been kicking me in the ribs almost constantly, not kicking out my side.

I asked him about positioning and anything I can do to assist that and he almost seemed to sneer at the suggestion and commented that babies don't listen outside of the womb, why would they listen to me while in there? I totally disagree. I am a huge believer in visualization and talking to my babies in utero (so are the midwives). I know almost for a fact that Zade's delivery was the way it was because I coached him about it on a nightly basis for weeks prior AND visualized his position and delivery in my head for months. I know the power of both those techniques and his negative attitude about it really surprised me.

McLeod says that I am in the critical point of a twin pregnancy. That from now until about 32 weeks, I am most at risk for preterm labor. So I am supposed to be doing little as possible, getting good sleep and doing little work. I am minimizing the best I can but I am still probably doing too much. It's funny but we both think that Dallin is now in better physical condition than me and definitely is moving easier than I am. We are both running at 50% so there are times around here where we are a sad sight to behold. But as I slow down and get bigger and sorer, he is slowly getting back to normal. We really need a miraculous healing in his back so that everything is perfect in his CAT scan on sept.2 so that he can get out of the brace and officially take over so that I can become the patient.

Today I have decided that it's not really that big of a deal. Yes I miss my midwives already but I can still see them and ask them any questions and so I will be leaning on them for support and answers. But the reality of the situation is that this is a doctor in a hospital birth. How much involvement will he really have when it comes to the delivery, other than checking on my occasionally then swooping in at the last minute when the babies make their exit? I think i'll try and plan it so that we get to the hospital about an hour before they are born and our time with McLeod will be minimal. That might seem really cranky on my part but I don't think I am going to get the support and commradery from him that I do with my midwives. And there is no sense in crying about it. He's going to give me the delivery setting that I want so we will stick with him but use him as little as possible, as was the plan from the beginning. Jill, my midwife, will be there and so I will lean on her for whatever I need. I am grateful to be able to work with him because it keeps me away from a planned Csection and it keeps me out of the OR. Everything else I can do myself. :) Any disappointment I feel about this relationship I blame on my midwives because they obviously spoiled me with my first 2 babies. :)Everything is going to be fine.

An Uncle's Visit

2011-08-04T20:51:00.000-04:00

My brother Tighe was here for 10 wonderful days. He was a great help to me and the boys loved having someone to climb on and hang off of and play rocket rides and wrestle. We spent time at the pool, one trip to the beach but Tighe went on his own several times, including for a couple sunrises. We had lots of laughs and some good chats and made great memories. It was sad for everyone to see him go but we were so glad he was able to come visit.

I gotta comment on this. Zade LOVES french fries and they are a big treat in our house because we never have them. As they were getting less and less on the table, Zade started stock piling them and stashing them. I love that he even tucked some in the front fold of his shirt. Hilarious!

Gotta go crabbin'!

Chillin' on the beach with his fruit snacks, watchin' the tide roll away. Life is good.

Sunrise on the beach, compliments of Tighe. I haven't seen on in almost 4 years.

Because 2 heads (down) are better than one

2011-07-28T17:55:00.000-04:00

I had my final appointment at the birth center today. It was sad. I love those ladies and will miss their involvement in this pregnancy.

I did my glucose test and then had my check up. Both babies are now head down (yay!!!!) and their heart rates are great. I thought we would see them on the ultrasound today since last checkup Rita checked their heart rate with it but Nancy worked with me today and said that's not really necessary until after 28 weeks. She found both heart rates quite easily with the doppler.

Tuesday I meet with Dr. McLeod and he takes over my prenatal care. I'll be 26 weeks on Saturday and it is time to start slowing down. I can feel the difference in my body. I'm tired, feeling heavier and I told Dallin the other day there is a big chance I just might waddle with this pregnancy. NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Adjusting to carrying two is definitely a challenge. I have always been the woman who exercises through her whole pregnancy, has no physical complaints really and is on hands and knees scrubbing floors at 39 weeks trying to self-induce. It's a totally different ball game with twins. I already feel the physical limitations and I'm still (hopefully) 12 weeks out. But what can I do other than accept it, adapt and move on. A messy house (something that I cannot stand!) will have to be a compromise in exchange for getting to full term with happy, healthy, 7 pound babies.

Overdue photos

2011-07-24T20:37:00.000-04:00

Here's a mixture of things happening around here:

My baking assistant. Cleaning off the whipped cream beater after making coconut cream pie.

Sprinkler fun.

Dace's new architecture hobby- building block castles.

His famous silly face. Loves 'scaring' Zade with it.

Play-doh. It's the latest rage around here. And Zade doesn't even eat it!

This is Dace's Thomas catalog. He studies it intensely almost every day. It's just about the cutest thing ever.

Zade loves wearing his older brother's Elmo hat. How cute is he?!

A helping holiday

2011-07-21T19:55:00.000-04:00

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a birth plan!

woop!woop!

{insert the dancing cheerleaders here}

A very amazing family member graciously donated the fee for us to use Dr. McLeod and we are eternally grateful. So I am booked in to see him on August 2 and I am really looking forward to working with him. Anyone that Jill (midwife) holds that high in regard, I am sure to like as well.

Dallin and I were talking about this yesterday and I am going to throw it out there for any family or friends that might want to take us up on it.

We are looking to see if anyone is interested in coming to stay with us to help me out around the house. It can be for a few days, a few weeks. Whatever works for you. My physical abilities seem to be slowing down bit by bit every day and my list of can-do's is shrinking as well but most of it I can't listen to because if I don't do it, it won't get done. We thought we would be fine, thinking Dallin would be out of his brace a bit earlier. But with him another 6 weeks out before that is even a possible option, we figured an extra set of hands around the house could really help. The small things like bathing the boys is already a bit of a struggle and I am just getting bigger and more tired as the days go by. Let alone trying to keep them entertained, lunches made, dishes done, etc etc.

I am trying to do the bare minimum but even that is becoming a strain. We have had AMAZING help from our ward. Have I mentioned I have not cooked dinner in almost a month? Yup. And we've had some ladies over to help with some cleaning as well. But I am cutting off our dinners as of Sunday. It's been long enough, there are others in need and I need to save some favors for when these babies arrive. :) But we are so grateful for the help that those meals and cleaning hands have been. They have been my saving grace in forms of RS and YW angels.

So if you would like to come stay with the Dean Team, be minutes from the ocean and seconds from a pool and enjoy a helping holiday in the Deep South, let us know. We'd love to have the company and the extra help.

Neuro follow up #1

2011-07-21T08:56:00.000-04:00

We had our appt with Dr. Suh today. It started off with a surprise when we were told his follw up work would be another $23,000. Meh. Put it on my tab. What was funnier still was that they require a $50 deposit then bill you $50/month for the balance. So in 38 years, that bill would be paid off. What the heck?! Are you kidding me? The medical billing in this country is beyond bloated because no one expects anyone to pay the full bill. And nothing is as expensive as they bill you for. The whole system is a mess but I won't get into it here. It just makes us laugh. Might as well- it's better than crying and stressing over something we cannot control. Our medicaid app is done and we will know by mid august what the approval is.

Suh was late coming out of surgery so we went and ate then came back and went to imaging for Dallin's xrays. When we got back to the exam room, we took a picture of the xray off the computer screen. But dallin doesn't have a card in his phone so we are trying to find a way to download it so we can post it on here.

Suh came in and showed us the before and after scans. Dallin's back is healing nicely. But it will still be another 6 weeks of wearing the brace. Dallin was a little bummed but at the same time he doesn't want to rush it and have back problems for the rest of his life. We go back on Sept 2 for a cat scan and if the bone has regrown enough, the brace will come off. He is also getting a bone stimulator to start using that will help quicken the process and can sometimes grow the bone back stronger than before.

In other news, we are a bottle-free house. Sunday night, Zade was up 4 times for a bottle. This is ridiculous since a month ago he was sleeping through the night. I blame myself because once Dallin was home from the hospital, I just gave Zade a bottle whenever he woke up because that was the quickest way to deal with him and my sleep was minimal enough. So I was the one to blame for his newfound habit. But on Monday morning, after he had gotten up every hour for 3 in a row, this mama was done. In the famous question from Dr. Phil- "How's that workin' for ya?" this situation was no longer working for me. I know he'd sleep longer and better without a belly constantly full of milk and a diaper constantly full of pee. So I got up and threw all his bottles in the trash. There- weaned cold turkey. A little harsh and abrupt but that's just how I roll sometimes. Anyway, he adapted better than I thought, as is usually the case. He went to bed fine the first night, woke up once and fussed for about 10 minutes, another time for 5minutes then slept til after 7am. Pretty much the same thing last night as well. Why didn't I do this sooner?!?!?! Anyway, we all had a great night of sleep last night. Dallin is back in our bed since Suh said he could sleep on his stomach if it was comfortable and so we are a happy household this morning.

Dallin is also cleared to drive since he has full mobility of his neck and is off the pain meds. A little bit of independence that he is grateful for. I'll allow him to drive around the island but nothing long distance, of course. I still wear the (ever-expanding) pants in this family. ;)

Church pictures

2011-07-17T17:16:00.000-04:00

It's half way through July and I realized that I haven't taken any pictures of the boys this month. Terrible! So I snapped a couple on the way to church and once seated. They're not the greatest but its been a while since I've posted anything about these blue-eyed boys so I thought I better.

He's looking so much older these days.

Looking a little bit dishevelled. Don't worry- we'll fix that when we get there.

Trying to get him used to sitting by himself since my lap is quickly shrinking.

The tie's too long and the vest too small but it's one of his favorite outfits. I'll need to upgrade one of these days.

The babies bump @24 weeks. 5cm ahead of schedule- about the size of a singleton at 29weeks.

I wanted to get a picture of Dallin in his suit with his turtle shell but he left too early and came home too late. Next week.

Quote of the Week

2011-07-16T20:16:00.000-04:00

From our former US President, George W. Bush:

"I've gone to war. I've raised twins.

If I had to choose, I'd go to war."

On the way up...nope, scratch that. back down we go...

2011-07-15T21:21:00.000-04:00

I'm in a funk right now so please excuse my glum but this is the latest report from today.

I had a horrible night last night. I had heart burn, couldn't get comfortable, had to pee every 5.6 seconds, etc etc etc. Just as I was calming down somewhere after 1, the thunder started which woke Dace up and he started crying. I fetched him quickly and whisked him into bed with me. I didn't want Zade waking up from the crying. He fell sound asleep within minutes then the storm really kicked in. Constant lightning and thunder that was so loud it was shaking the house and made me jump. At one point, it even startled the twins and both woke up and kicked around for a couple minutes. All three boys in the house were fast asleep as I paced to calm the twins and hopefully wind myself down. Somewhere after 3, the storm stopped and I finally fell asleep.

I waited all morning for Jill, my midwife, to call me with the report from yesterday's meeting with the docs. She had great news- McCleoud was more than happy to take me on, he wonders why everyone is afraid of breech babies because he isn't AND as long as everything went fine in my pregnancy, the delivery would not take place in the OR with a double set up. That news almost made me cry. I was so excited and relieved and felt like this was the way it was supposed to be. Jill would attend as my doula and friend and that was totally fine with him but she would not play an active role in the delivery. I was totally fine with all of it and exhaled, feeling like I finally had a birth plan in order and a goal in site.

Wrong

Wrong, wrong.

His clinic called me to set up an appt but they do not accept South Carolina medicaid. All air sucked out of my sails.

If we were to still work with him, the entire prenatal and delivery would be $2K cash, labs and ultrasounds extra.

Well how on earth could we ever manage that given the rest of our situation at the moment and the fact that we need to upgrade our vehicle to a 7 seat SUV or minivan within the next 3 months as well?!?!?!?!?

Oh and I forgot to mention we had to make a mad dash out of the house this morning for the first viewing. It's been listed a day and it's already showing. great. Plus the price on it is ridiculously cheap. That realtor better be right in the fact that we'll have at least 6 months here.....

So needless to say after my call with the clinic, I was close to the edge. Seriously?! Really?! how much is one girl supposed to be able to take?! Can I get thrown a break here, anywhere, somewhere?!

I have calmed down a bit since then, it's been 5 hours. But I am still bummed out and totally out of ideas. I have NO CLUE as to what I am supposed to do with this birth and I hate that feeling. Jill really doesn;t want me to stay on the island because they have an 80% Csection rate and that is the one thing we want to avoid if at all possible. I hope to meet with the 2 suggestions that our peds gave us last night but what if their clinics don't take medicaid either?

I feel trapped and I don't like it. I feel like I have all of this on my shoulders all on my own and I am supposed to figure it all out and do it all myself and survive and stay sane and stay healthy and unstressed while carrying twins. ha!

Yes I sound pessimistic but I really haven't given up faith or hope. I know it will all work out the way it is supposed to. I just can't see any of it right now. I am overwhelmed, overtired and after 3 very long and trying weeks, I've hit my wall. I am only human.

30-30-30, My first Challenge

2011-07-15T18:07:00.000-04:00

Okay, ladies! The week before our BIG events week, I signed up to be an Independent Beauty Consultant with Mary Kay. I used the products once and fell in love with them!

Last night, now that things are starting to settle down, I got together with Alex, my team leader (and also next door neighbor) and we got a few things organized for my new business. I am really excited about this company. It offers great potential, great earnnings and leadership growth and has a strong, moral background.

My first challenge is to get 30 women to spend $30 in the next 30 hours off my website. This will really kickstart my business and if I succeed, I get a prize! woohoo!

So please check out my site and see what you would like to have. My top 3 recommendations are:

1- Lashes Love it Bundle- tbe lash love mascara, oil-free eye make up remover (which is amazing!) AND an eyelash curler. $30 Total

2- Mineral Eye Color Bundles- designed for your eye color ($19.50) and a NouriShine Lip Gloss ($13) $32.50 Total

3. TimeWise Night Solution-one of my favorite products!! $30 Total

Feel free to pass this link on to all your girlfriends, your moms, sisters, aunts, etc. The more the merrier and it will really help me out.
Happy Shopping!!

www.marykay.com/tovahdean

Grand Total

2011-07-14T17:02:00.000-04:00

Got the other hospital bill today and I was off by only a couple thousand.

The grand total of Dallin's hospital stay of 7 days and a 12 hour surgery is $192, 113.42.

Crazy, huh?!?!

I had predicted $190K.

I forgot to mention that the $25k bill from HHH was adjusted down to only $12K because we are self pays but that gives us a bill total of $217,000.

Dallin's finishing the taxes now then we can complete our medicaid application.

It's crazy that they can charge that much. Does it really, really cost that much? His room and board fee for the week was over $7,0000. Um, really? We could have stayed at a 5 star with silk sheets and dined on Kobe beef and lobster for the week and came up with a smaller bill, I am sure. But whatever.

I think that all his follow up visits are included in that bill. Something else might trickle in but I doubt it.

A babies update

2011-07-14T16:55:00.000-04:00

We had a midwife appt today and got to see the twins. They are still just happy as ever and growing perfectly. Baby girl is already head down while baby boy just keeps doing summersaults.

Our midwives, Rita, Jill (who caught Dace and Zade) and Nancy are meeting with the Candler doctors tonight. They will be discussing our case and seeing what options we have and what they are willing to do as far as co-managing our pregnancy and delivery.

I'm not going to lie- this whole idea of a hospital birth scares me. I think most people fear the natural births that we have had in the past but not me. I feel like I am going to lose a lot of control in the hospital and everything will be stressful and dramatic and tense. I had a ton of questions for Rita that she wrote down and will ask the doctors then get back to me.

Even if I go full term (which I will) and the babies are both head down (which they will be) the delivery will still be a double setup in the OR, meaning I will be allowed to birth naturally but everyone will be gloved and masked up and ready to cut if anything goes wrong. Ugh. I'm already missing my tranquil, spa-like birthing suite and waterbirth but I know that the safety of the twins comes first. I think it will be a quick delivery, probably less than 6 hours and then we'll be back in a normal room. We will have to stay 2 days in the hospital even if both babies are completely healthy, no problems and born at good weights (which they will be) and that might be the hardest part of all. I love being able to go home to my own bed the same day of having a baby at the midwife group.

IF the docs are willing to co-manage with my midwives then we will work with Dr. McCleoud and use the Candler hosptial. If they aren't, then we are going to stay here on the island. The hospital is only a couple blocks away and then our bishop can be our ped for the delivery. If I can't have my midwife there, there is no point in going into Savannah.

So by the end of next week, we should have a game plan and a doctor all worked out. I am trying to focus my thoughts and energy on the things that I can control- eating right, sleeping and resting properly, drinking TONS of water. and by tons, I mean 8 16oz glasses a day! crazy, huh?! but apparently, that's what it takes and what is ideal. I am going to make a list of things I can and cannot do and try my best at adapting to that. Some of those don'ts are just not feasible at the moment given our circumstances but I will do the best I can until Dallin is fully recovered.

This is the most stressful part for me- the unknowing. Once I know who we will be working with and where and what will and will not happen , can or cannot happen, I'll be able to refocus and accept the possible outcomes. It's just hard adapting to the complete opposite of what my first 2 childbirthing experiences will like, embracing the unknown. In my heart of hearts, I know everything will be fine, go smoothly and we'll have another wonderful birthing story. And I'm predicting a halloween delivery.

One down, one to go

2011-07-13T18:35:00.000-04:00

Dallin got his staples out today, 32 in total. He also got a chest xray done then was completely signed off by his trauma team. So now it's all up to Neuro. We meet with Dr. Suh next Wednesday for his first follow up.

We got the hospital bill for those first 23 hours spent at HHH for a whopping total of $25, 100.93! The most expensive part of the bill was all the imaging- MRI, Cat, Xrays- $17K worth. Quite the expensive stay- over a grand an hour. Nobody panic though. Our app for medicaid is almost complete and we are almost 99% positive we will be approved and then that bill will be covered, 100%.

It was a heat wave in Savannah today. I think it was over 100. You know the best way to cool off when you're almost 6 months pregnant in a sweltering city in the South? A massive, double scoop ice cream cone of butter pecan. Oh I was in heaven! I don't know what it is but I could eat ice cream any time day or night with this pregnancy. Dallin thinks its maybe because I'm having a girl. Who knows. But ice cream is beyond delicious and satisfying to me these days. Yummo!

In other news, Zade was up for his second bottle before I got to bed last night then slept straight through til 6am. Hallelujah! We are on the up and up all over the place around here.

Thank you, Anonymous's

2011-07-13T18:26:00.000-04:00

1- Thank you to anonymous who sent us an amazing deluxe twin stroller yesterday via Amazon. This thing is a cadillac! We are so excited to use it. Thank you so much!

2- Thank you to anonymous who sent us the car seat bottle holders we had registered for on amazon. Another perfect gift that will definitely come in handy.

We would love to know who you are so we can thank you more personally, but if you wish it to remain secret, we respect that.

Thanks again so much!!!!!

The Miracle Man

2011-07-12T22:02:00.000-04:00

Everyone was shocked and amazed to see Dallin at church on Sunday. He went early for meetings and when I got there with the boys and sat down, even I got choked up at how incredible he looked up there. He is looking so good! I had several people comment to me that day that they had witnessed a miracle by seeing him sitting on the stand barely 2 weeks after breaking his back. Others commented that, "Wow! He really is Wolverine!"

It's amazing to see both sides of this trial. I have lived and still live with the struggle that it is for our family but I am also blessed enough to see how it is blessing us and those around us. So many people have willingly served and there is no one who has been here the last 2 weeks that can't say- I have witnessed a miracle. Because we all have. It still leaves me speechless that he fell 20 feet and out of the 206 bones in his body, he only compressed one. ONE!!!!! The surgeons also explained to us that because of Dallin's height and long torso his spinal cord ends sooner than most people's, thereby giving him some breathing room for when the L1 pushed into the cord. Translation- any other man of average height or less would have been paralyzed, it is almost for certain. The Lord may not have saved him from that fall but angels certainly were guiding him down to the easiest outcome possible. I am speechless still. This has been an incredible testimony builder for all of us. It is wonderful to see how an amazing ward family has grown even closer through all of this.

Dallin had his first physio appt today and his therapist called him an animal. He said that most people aren't even out of bed yet, 2 weeks after a break like this. I think Dallin spent 1 full day in bed after the surgery and has been up little by little ever since. Jason, his therapist, said that he is well advanced already in his recovery. Dallin's miraculous recovery continues to blow the minds of all the medical practioners that see him. He likes that. ;)

And tomorrow the staples come out. I share the following photo with permission. Dallin wanted me to take it specifically for the blog. It's going to be one beauty of a scar but chicks dig scars, right? I dig it and I'm the only chick that matters, so there. The two wounds above are from his chest tubes.

Big news comes in threes

2011-07-08T18:29:00.000-04:00

Yup, brace yourself. Something else is happening for this family.

I think the saying is that bad news comes in threes but finding out we're having twins wasn't bad. So we'll just say big news is in threes. And let's hope it stops at threes. Are you ready?

Our landlord is selling our house.

He's been painted into a financial corner that he cannot get out of and has no choice but to short sell his properties.

PRO- the market continues to be horrible in this area. He doesn't think it will sell within 6-9 months and realistically we could be here well over a year BUT you never know.

PRO- he's cutting our rent in half just to cover the property fees and that is it. Big blessing there.

Option- the buyer could buy it as an investment property and we could stay on as their renters BUT they would probably want a lot more in rent than what we were originally paying.

CON- I love this house. I love our neighbors. I love our yard. I love the floorplan and all the space. I would have stayed here for several years. I don't want to move. Here is hoping it doesn't happen super quick and here's hoping it doesn't happen within weeks of having these babies or while they are newborns.

Let's all pray for mercy on this one! We need to stay settled for a while, preferably. But if we can survive these last few weeks, we can certainly survive whatever is the outcome of this situation. Even if it is disappointing and possibly the worst possible timing imaginable. This is the first time I have wished I was a homeowner. Up til now, I never minded being a renter. But this situation stinks. I don't want to be uprooted against my will. I want to settle in, paint and decorate and make a home for us that is ours. I want to know where I will be bringing my babies home. I want to decorate the last nursery I will ever decorate. Now, what's the point? Is it worth it? Will we be here 18 months or will we be gone by the end of summer. Who has a crystal ball? I'd really like an answer on this one.

Anyone want to buy an investment property, complete with good, reliable renters?????

Road to recovery- days 1&2

2011-07-05T22:38:00.000-04:00

I won't write a report on a daily basis anymore but I will still keep updates on how progress is going.

Yesterday, day 1, was a bit tough. I was only doing the minimum with the boys and around the house, Dallin being my main focus, but by 6pm I was completely exhausted and all day I had been wondering, how am I going to do this? I knew that the first few days were going to be tough and a bit of an adjustment so I hadn't given up yet. I was just trying to figure out how to do everything I needed to do yet keep from getting so exhausted that I ended up on bed rest and then this family would be completely hooped.

Dallin got up around 10 and came downstairs. He had some breakfast and a couple family friends came over. He received another great blessing then got his hair cut and a nice hair wash. It must have felt like heaven after sponge baths for a week. But the morning events tuckered him out and he spent the rest of the day in bed, in and out of sleep.

He needed to get up out of bed at 10pm to try and relieve some pressure he was feeling in his lungs. His hip was numb when he stood and then after sitting for a while his legs went numb too. Once he stood up for a few seconds they were fine and we figured that it was just the way the brace pushed on his legs in that position. Well, I dropped into bed around 11 but then started thinking that maybe something had shifted in his back and the numbness was a nerve thing. After tossing and turning forever, I finally got up to check on him. He said he was fine, no numbness and I checked his leg strength like the nurses did and he was fine. 1am and I was heading to bed. I prayed that Zade would sleep at least til 6am to give me a decent stretch of sleep. 642am he started fussing. I got up and got him a warm bottle and that knocked him out til 830, Dace getting me up just before 8. Thank you answer to prayer!

Today Dallin got up and came down stairs and sat at his computer and ate at the table and was upright for around 3 hours which is great. While he was up, Zade took a nap and I laid down on the couch due to a serious wave of nausea. Pregnancy related or just tired, I had no idea. Again I found myself praying for help. I needed someone to come be with the boys for a while today so that I could at least shower and get my kitchen clean. (It was a total disaster after cooking and baking certain things for Dallin's diet for the last 2 days). After lunch, when things were starting to get really frazzled with the boys and I was trying to deal with Dallin's infected IV site, Marilyn came to the door with a watermelon and to do my dishes. About a half hour after that, Monica and her daughter Emery showed up. Emery played with the boys for the rest of the afternoon and Monica, who is an RN, checked Dallin's wounds and answered a ton of our questions. Again, thank you answer to prayer! I got a shower in, Zade went down for another nap and I even got a few minutes of down time to relax now that my kitchen was spotless and every dish cleaned and put away. I felt totally renewed in energy and resolve that yes, I can do this! As long as I get a lot of help along the way!

So yes Dallin has an infection at his IV site. I've been doing hot compresses all day and we'll get him a prescription tomorrow but please pray that it will clear up really quick and that all his bodily systems will be strengthened and return to normal.

He really is doing so great. He might not see it and I can sense his impatience at times but he doesn't improve unless it is by leaps and bounds. I think a week from now we'll look back in shock at just how far he's come in 7 days. Please keep the emails and cards and encouragement coming. They are greatly appreciated and much needed.

There's No Place Like Home

2011-07-03T22:44:00.000-04:00

Dallin is home. It came as a surprise to us this afternoon, thinking it wouldn't happen til tomorrow. But Dr. Thompson signed him off then the surgical team did and it was homefree! Just in time too because he was starting to get a little stir crazy.

He is upstairs settled in for the night in the guest room. Our mattress is too soft and after several attempts at pillow positions, I went into the guest room and built up a bit of an angle under the mattress and that did the trick. With a pillow under his knees he is in a more comfortable position that is more like a hospital bed instead of completely flat.

The boys don't know they are home. I got them here after Dallin was settled in, thanks to the wonderful help of the Ryan family and put them straight to bed. They spent the afternoon at Em's house and were wore right out from having so much fun. Thanks guys! I must admit I am a little anxious for the reintroduction tomorrow. Dace will be fine, I am sure, but Zade will not like having a hands-off Daddy and I am bracing for a tough adapting phase. Let's pray for the boys to adapt to this new situation quickly as well as Dallin being able to adapt to the new physical activity of getting back to normal life- sitting, walking, stairs etc. These next couple days will the toughest for both situations.

We love you all and are so grateful for you. Please keep praying for us!

A new definition to Long weekend

2011-07-02T21:55:00.000-04:00

Today was just an okay day. It looks like Dalln will be in the hospital until Monday and he's a bit bummed. He is ready to come home and probably would be released if his doctors were on duty but the hospital does a complete 180 with the weekend shift. It seems to just coast into auto pilot and stay there. No one knows anything and everything slows to a bare minimum. He didn't get an xray today, nor did an attending come by, no physio. kind of weird. I don't know if its like that every weekend or because they are under staffed because of the long weekend. There is still a slim chance he could be released tomorrow but he's not betting on it.

I spent the morning at home with the boys and a to do list a million miles long. After dropping them off, I got into Dallin's room just before 2. He was still in bed because no one had been in to help him into his brace. We did a spnge bath and got him braced up and sitting in his chair which felt so much better. And he got company! Our dear friends Carrie and Herman whom we hadn't seen in months stopped in. Dallin was so excited to see them. We had a great visit then went for a lap around the floor. Once he was settled back into his chair, I went and grabbed a sandwich then came and put him back into bed. We both snoozed a little off and on until dinner came at 615. Once he was set up with that, I took off for home.

They pulled the last drain out this morning. The one that was right at the repair site. He is on minimum dose of the pain pump and only took one extra dose today which is really, really good. He is tired of being in this fog that percocet gives you because he almost constantly feels like he could go to sleep and sleep for 12 hours. The nurse said that once he is home for a couple days and his body has warmed up to the idea of moving around more regularly and up and down stairs and in and out of bed, he can start to adjust the dose as necessary and to slowly wean off it. But for now he might as well be comfortable and sleep whenever he feels like it. He has the right to refuse his meds if he feels like he doesn't need it but he is more concerned with getting off the pain pump and adapting to only having the percocet in his system so that he can go home.

We continue to ask for your prayers and we know that you continue to offer them. Thank you. I would also encourage anyone who feels moved to do so to please send dallin an email or facebook message or something to let him know you are thinking of him and just to keep his spirits up-especially family members. He needs to hear that support and concern, even if it seems like it won't make much of a difference. I promise you, it does. phone calls and texts are welcome too now that he has his phone back and able to use it. If he sleeping or doesn't feel up to a conversation, he'll get back to you when he does.

We love you all. good night.

One Step from the exit door

2011-07-01T21:21:00.000-04:00

Well Happy Friday to everyone! It was a big day here in the memorial hospital, Dallin Dean suite.

A lot of people have been asking how me and the boys are doing so I will give a quick update on us before getting back to the main star. Dace is doing great. He understands why daddy is away and is loving all his play dates every day with his buddies. Zade has been teething and we have had 2 rough nights back to back. He was up 4 times last night and his poor gums feel like little marbles. I think every molar is trying to break through simultaneously. 4 have already come through. When he woke up at 550am for the fourth time, I don't think I could feel my legs as i stumbled downstairs to get a bit of milk for him. He crashed a few minutes later in my bed and just as i was falling asleep, Dace started crying. I told Heavenly Father that I can handle everything that is on my plate right now but I can't do it if I can't get any sleep. Dace came to bed and Zade woke up and the day started but Zade went back to bed at 730 and I got a nice nap in on the couch til 915 while Dace watched Mighty Machines and played trains. A very needed answer to prayer.

So once we were all up and dressed and out the door, I dropped the boys off and got to the hospital around 1145. Dallin was up in his chair reading on the computer. We had a whole team of doctors and nurses come in, it totally felt like a scene from Greys Anatomy- 2 attendings and about 4 interns. And one even looked like George, I'm not even kidding! (if you don't watch the show, that comment makes no sense and I apologize.) The docs checked the chest tube and said it was possible it could come out today, made some more jokes about making Dallin a sister wife from his lost rib then moved on. Shortly after, a nurse came back and said the tube was coming out. Yay! I helped Dallin back into bed (which he can manoever quite well on his own) and got his brace off. Dr. Suh ( I love that man!) came back in for a quick check up and took me away to see Dallins scans. I'm going to do up a couple sketches and post here tomorrow so that this all makes more sense to you. but it is amazing what can be done these days to rebuild a human being! When I got back to the room, the chest tube was out. The nurse was just bandaging up his incision so I got to see it and she said it is looking amazing. Dallin loves hearing that word, I don't blame him and he hears it several time a day. Yup, I'm married to superman....or wolverine. Dallin was ready for lunch so I got him set up then did my daily trip to the cafeteria. He was so much more comfortable and able to breathe that much better with that last tube gone. Happy boy.

After lunch, Dallin and I dozed a bit then it was time for physio. I helped him get into his brace (might as well practice) and got him seated in his chair so he was all ready and waiting when the nurses showed up. They were so impressed! then he was up on his feet and we did a lap all the way down the long hall to the elevators then back to the room. No sweat, easy peazy.

He stayed in his chair while I got the bed and we both had a little power up snooze then had some company. Mark and Mike came by with chocolate goodies for everyone. Dr./ Bishop Thompson popped in as well at one point and I felt like I should leave the room so they could have an elders quarum meeting or something. haha! Then it was time for me to switch hats, kiss my hubby goodbye and go pick up the boys and re-enter mamaville. I hit traffic leaving the hospital and it took me over 20 minutes to drive the 3 blocks to the freeway. Happy long weekend.

There is a big chance that Dallin will come home tomorrow. It depends on how his chest xray looks in the morning, if things are doing fine without the drain and weaning him off the pain pump and making sure that his Rx will be sufficient. He is ready to leave but does not want to rush it either. Because once he leaves, he doesn't want to come back. At least not until his checkup, 2 weeks from now. Fingers crossed and prayers being said that if it is right, I'll be able to bring him home tomorrow.

On a sidenote, the first of the bills arrived on Wednesday. The ambulance ride that Dallin took from HH hospital to Memorial rang in at a whopping $912. I find it funny that a 40 minute drive that I have done 10 times and counting this week cost almost double what it did for our whole family to fly round trip to Salt Lake. ha! Hilarious....gotta laugh so you don't cry, right? uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.....yeah......

And on that note, a laughing one, here is a closing story that Mark sent me to continue the missing rib jokes-

Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked Adam, "What's wrong with you?"
Adam said, "I don't have anyone to talk to."
God said, "I will give you a companion and it will be a woman." He said, "This person will cook for you and wash your clothes, she will always agree with every decision you make, she will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them.
"She will not nag," God continued, "and will always be the first to admit she was wrong. When you've had a disagreement, she will never have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever needed."
Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?"
God said, "An arm and a leg!"
Adam said, "What can I get for just a rib?"

Moses 3:21

2011-06-30T20:45:00.000-04:00

Today was only a half day at the hospital for me. I took Dace up for a visit and knew that it would only be a morning thing. I was toying with the idea of bringing him home and going back again, but their play date kind of fell through and I needed some time at home to possibly get a nap in, do some laundry and collect all the garbage and get that out. ugh.

Dace and I got to Dallin's room at 10 to find him resting. I had explained to Dace that daddy had to stay in the hospital until his really big owwies got better. He was shy when we first got there, which we were both expecting. I explained to him how everything hooked up to Daddy was making him feel better. He saw the chest tub drain beside our feet and asked- What's that juice? that was funny! If he only knew what that actually was. We found Curious George on tv and he started to warm up, feeling a bit more at ease with his favorite monkey now in the room.

While he watched cartoons, Dallin and I dozed until Amy from physio came in. She got Dallin into his brace while I watched and helped learn the process. She was so excited that he didn't complain or anything. A few other nurses came in shortly and got Dallin to his feet then we went for a walk down the hallway and back. It's funny because you see him walking and you would never guess that he had just broken his back and had major surgery within the last few days. There is no limp, there is no struggle. It's just him walking normal, albeit more slowly and wearing a hospital gown and back brace. The whole therapy crew is so impressed with his strength and healing.

Once back in the room, Dallin settled into the arm chair and I got the bed for a little snooze, fresh linens and all. It felt so good to lay down, even for a few minutes. Today was the first morning that I truly felt exhausted. Zade is teething again and woke up about 4 times last night just screaming in pain and ticked that it hurt him enough to wake him up. I think my sleeping hours count is barely over 20 hours since Saturday. Dace hung out in his stroller and watched cartoons while we got Dallins room service for lunch ordered and chatted for a bit.

I was getting hungry too so Dace and I ventured down to the cafeteria to get ourselves some lunch. He loved walking through all the winding hallways and taking 2 different elevators and everyone smiled and talked to him because he really is the cutest little boy ever! Can I just say that I am so impressed with the food in this hospital? The room service options is 2-3 times the options at the best hotel and the cafe has 4 different stations with good healthy delicious food and the prices are fantastic. Today they had a farmers market cart with all sorts of fresh fruits and veggies. Dace of course had to pick out a basket of fresh strawberries. We took our food to go up to eat with Dallin and passing through the lobby we ran into our stake president and his wife coming to see Dallin. He was happy to have some company and they chatted while Dace and I munched on lunch.

Shortly after they left, I was getting ready to go when Dr. Bromberg, another surgeon that operated on Dallin came in. They weren't able to take out the last chest tube because too much fluid was still draining. Dallin really would like to be home Saturday morning but once the tube is out, he has to stay 24 hours for monitoring. So if the tube doesn't come out tomorrow, it will be Sunday or later when he gets home. They are also starting to wean him off the pain pump so that his Rx meds will be enough once he is home.

So what does the title of this post have to do with anything? Has curiosity got the better of you and you searched it out? Well, here is the scripture in case you haven't looked it up:

"And I, the Lord God, caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam; and he slept, and I took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh in the stead thereof;"

So Bromberg was the surgeon in charge of clearing the path to the spine. He informed us today that besides taking out the diaphragm and deflating a lung, he also had to take out one of Dallin's rib in order for there to be working space for the spine. This was brand new information to us!

Dallin- So, what did you do with my rib? Did you put it back?
Bromberg- Oh no. we tossed it.
Dallin, laughing- Oh!
Bromberg- you don't get it back. You've already got a wife or I was going to tell you we could make one for you but.....

it was a pretty funny conversation and a detail that adds extra wow factor to this whole story. crazy.

Well, it is now almost 9pm. The boys are in bed; I can hear Zade humming the last of his sleepy time hum before he will be out for the night too. I really should clean up the supper dishes but I feel like a complete zombie so I am going to bed. Thank you to all the wonderful people who are watching the boys during the day (as well as a few nights earlier this week) and to those who are brining in our dinner. I would not be surviving without you. I love you. good night.

A Room with a View

2011-06-29T22:27:00.000-04:00

Dallin was moved out of ICU today and upstairs to a normal room.
Woohoo!
Signal the marching band, bring in the cheerleaders, light the fireworks and shoot the confetti!!

Here is a run down of today:

I got to the hospital at 9am because Dallin was scheduled get up and do his walk with physio first thing. I got to his room and there he was, sitting in a chair with his brace on. I had already missed the walk. But he was happy to be up, was breathing really well and said the walk went well. Dr. Suh had been by earlier and had given him the play by play of the surgery and drawn a diagram of what his hardware looks like on his spine. Dallin wants to eventually scan a picture in to show everyone. It's pretty neat to see what they did. He wanted to rest a bit in his chair so I went off to take care of financial paperwork.

When I got back a while later, he was ready to lie down so the nurses help him back into bed. He was in great spirits- making jokes, making the nurses laugh and overall feeling really good. After he had his lunch, I let him nap while I went and ate. He rested off and on for a few hours after that, watched a bit of tv, then Mark stopped by to visit. Physio came back to teach Dallin how to move to get in and out of bed around 4pm. Then it was time for the big transfer. He had to stop by Xrays before moving up to his new room.

The new room is about 4 times the size of his previous one. The ICU he was in used to be NICU so the rooms were really small, made with the intent of cribs, not adult sized beds. Needless to say, the new room is luxuriously spacey and includes a window to the outside world.

After getting settled and introductions by the new staff, a surgeon came by to take out his top chest drain. This is a very good sign. I was worried that it might hurt but the nurse said some people say it just feels weird; Dallin didn't even feel it.

With our new access to wifi, I read through all the comments from friends and family that have been posted on facebook. He was so grateful to hear them. I was getting ready to leave but it started pouring outside so we waited that out then I took off for the evening. Dallin gave me a high five before I left. The boy is back!

No where but Up from here

2011-06-28T21:13:00.000-04:00

Today we went from very very low to a high. That is the direction we want to keep going.

Dallin had a really rough night. The pain meds weren't doing anything and he didn't get any sleep. I got to the hospital around 11 and he was still in rough shape. He said it was a good thing I hadn't gotten there earlier because it was rock bottom- he was wanting to die.

Shortly after I got there, they came in with his back brace to fit it. This made me really nervous because he was in such pain already, I didn't want him to be moved around and prodded into this thing. It was a really painful experience but he made it through. Dallin can usually breathe through pain but he couldn't breathe deep enough to do anything so it was just enduring.

His great day nurse Kelly gave him some percocet before I got there and it kicked in around noon. It usually takes about an hour to feel. Once he felt more comfortable enough, he ate a good lunch then started drifting off. I left him to nap while I went and ate.

I spent the afternoon at his bedside grateful to see him dozing in and out. He was doing so much better! A nurse brought his brace back at 330 to make sure the changes were okay. Thankfully they only had to place the front so that was nothing. There had been talks in the morning that physio was going to get him on his feet today but they ran out of time with the brace needing adjustments. An answer to prayer. I think after the rough night and morning his body needed a good rest to build up to that challenge.

His dinner came at 630 and I got him set up to eat and Kelly came back with another dose. On a scale of 1-10, he said his pain was a 1! I could not believe it! A night and day difference from 8 hours ago. So he took his meds and ate his dinner and was feeling really optimistic, like he was over the hump and was actually looking forward to getting up tomorrow.

It is an amazing thing to witness a miracle like today. I am overflowing with gratitude for the changes that took place. I could just feel all the power of all those prayers flooding into that room and aiding him and healing him. We might not be out of the woods completely but at least after today he knows that he can get there.

He wanted me to share a few more details about the surgery. He is looking forward to talking with Dr. Suh and getting the play by play of how it went. The whole thing took about 12 hours, after it was budgeted for about 3. A doctor told me it took a lot more time than expected to actually get to the spine. Dr. Thompson, a Bishop from Savannah that Dallin knows, is an anesthesiologist and he switched his surgeries so he could be in there with Dallin. I found such peace knowing that the priesthood was literally in that room. Thompson said that there were surgeons coming in and out the whole time assisting and looking at his case. He definitely was in the best hands and was greatly taken care of.

His left lung was deflated, a chest tube put in, then they removed the diaphragm in order to make room to get to the spine. They used a support for his L1 that is like a car jack. They secure it then pump it up to the right height then filled it with bone then drilled it into place. Then replaced his organs, reinflate the lung and close.
Dallin has had a lot of struggles with getting his breath deep enough and has a little blowing machine that he has to practice on. Last night, he could only blow to 500. By the time I left tonight, he could make it to almost 2000. I am completely blown away by his progress. Leaps and bounds. Leaps and bounds.

He is anxious to see the boys but I can't take them to ICU. He should be moved to a normal room tomorrow and I will take Dace up to see him Thursday. I don't think it will be safe for Zade to visit since as soon as he sees his daddy, he will want to pounce on him for hugs. Thankfully he is young enough to not notice or be affected too much by his absence so he'll have to wait until we bring Dallin home.

Thank you again for all the prayers and thoughts. Please keep them coming. We love you all so much.

Pain

2011-06-28T09:39:00.000-04:00

I was finally allowed to see Dallin at 1215 last night. It was really tough, really tough. He said the pain was "almost unbearable" which completely broke my heart because he has the highest pain tolerance of anyone I know. It hurt to talk, even to brethe. Mike came in and gave him another blessing and within 5 minutes, he was breathing easier. I massaged his hip for half an hour. That and two other spots were throbbing from laying on his side for 8 hours of surgery. They gave him some valium to help relax those muscles and since the pain pump wasn't cutting it, the nurse gave him some percocet. At 130, I went to talk to our friends who had come to sit with me, telling them to go home and that he wanted me to stay. But they didn't want to leave me driving home that late. They said they'd hang out for another half hour to see if he fell asleep and I could go.

I went back to his room and he was starting to doze. The nurse told me I should go so he could sleep and so I could get some sleep. I was sneaking out when he opened his eyes. I told him I was going to head home and he was okay with that, starting to feel the meds and relax. I got home around 3.

So today is another day and I hope he had some decent sleep. I am bracing for another rough bad day. Please keep those prayers coming, specifically for pain relief so that we can get over the post-op hump and get healing and more comfortable. I really hope that his doc doesn't force him to try and get on his feet if the pain is still this bad.

Love you all.